


Oil Under My Nails

by Atumun15



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Chan is a mess, Felix has a dog and Chan loves dogs, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sad, Slightly internalized homophobia, author felix, both of them are big whipped, car mechanic chan, felix is the literal sun, referenced sexual content, small town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 19:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atumun15/pseuds/Atumun15
Summary: Hillreach and his life before Felix came along were consistent, and Chan had a pretty good idea of what his future would end up like, but now the Felix has come around and fucked everything up… Chan isn’t so sure anymore.





	Oil Under My Nails

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back~
> 
> I know I haven't been around that much since about July but I think I'm ready to slowly start getting back into my chaotic writing ways. 
> 
> I tried to be slow with this story as once I realized it would not, in fact, be 7k like I planned, because I wanted to fall in love with rather than let this just be another story. 
> 
> I hope all of you enjoy and I'll try to be more active <3

  
  


Living in a tiny ass town in the middle of fucking nowhere came with its very awful perks. Considering Chan preferred the sweat on his brow, the residue coating his skin making him feel both dirty and muggy, and the permanent oil stains saturated into his calloused palms over basic social interaction, living in Hillreach really felt like a nightmare.

Here in Hillreach, a small town just over the mountains near the big city settled a town with no more than 1500 people and many lifetimes of deep-rooted family history, everyone knew each other in ways Chan considered incredibly unhealthy. Parents know exactly who their kids would marry before they even reached the age of 4, kids knew what jobs they would have when they grew up, and knew exactly who to stay away from and who to build relationships with before they even learned their ABCs.

Chan hated living here. He didn’t enjoy the way the townsfolk treated him because of his mother who flew off the rails and got herself killed in the middle of town and left her remains for poor eight-year-old Chan to find when he went to school the next morning. Chan’s family wasn’t even allowed to mourn in peace either considering Chan’s dad was the only car mechanic in town so every time someone brought a car in for work, they just  _ had  _ to bring up Chan’s mother. It certainly didn’t end when Chan’s dad died either and the curly-haired brunette was forced to take over the shop. In fact, it just got worse.

If Chan had a nickel for every time he heard “Chris, I am so very sorry that you have to live all on your own… such a shame to lose both of your parents at such a young age.” from someone who cried too many tears at their funerals and then talked shit about them the next day, Chan would be rich enough to leave this shitty town. But instead, Chan was stuck in Hillreach hearing about dumb gossip from people he wished he could spit on if it wouldn’t ruin his family’s business.

“Say, Christopher did you hear about that new man that moved in next door?” Mrs. Kemp questioned from her spot on in the chair out from the harsh heat of the sun beaming down on them. Mrs. Kemp was the richest white woman in town, and Chan hated her for reasons perfectly valid. She always had something to say, something homophobic, racist, and just downright awful about almost everyone living in town, and always insisted on staying with Chan until he finished working on her car. He never really understood why she insisted as if she didn’t have six kids and 13 grandkids to drive her around. Nonetheless, Chan kept his mouth shut because she paid  _ incredibly  _ well.

“I did, Mrs. Kemp,” Chan grunted from underneath the car, tightening a pipe underneath as the woman began having oil leaks early in the week. His voice came out muffled considering he was laying in a very dark and stuffy area underneath her 1950 Chrysler DeSoto DeLuxe, but Mrs. Kemp either heard him just fine or predicted what he was saying and kept on speaking.

Chan was predictable that way.

  
  


“He looks far too young for him to be living on his own. I heard that dirty man, Henry Neal down at the sandwich shop offered the young man a job but he declined! I knew that colored hair meant trouble! My granddaughter said she saw him at the pool the other day and he had tattoos on his back and arms! Can you believe that?” She sounded scandalized as she spoke but Chan tuned her out for the most part. He really only began listening again when he heard about the different hair color and tattoos because they didn’t get folk like that anymore. They didn’t really get any new folk anymore. They always get run out.

“Sounds suspicious, Mrs. Kemp,” Chan sighed, knowing better than to try and reason with a woman who came out of the womb more stubborn than a nail in her believes. He rolled out from underneath her car, cheeks flushed from laying back and reaching up for so long before lifting himself up off of the ground. “Cash or check today, Ma’am?” Chan questioned, grabbing for a white cloth and sighing in relief when a nice, cool breeze came washing through to brush along Chan’s oil and grease covered face. The elder woman scoffed before digging around in her purse to pull out a checkbook. Chan could recite the next words out of her mouth in his sleep.

“Check, boy. I’m not one of those low life imbeciles who eat scraps from their dirty counters,” She chattered, shakily writing down the amount she wanted to pay before ripping it out and handing it to him. Chan was careful not to touch her with his grimy hands. The last time Chan did that, she threw an absolute fit and threatened not to give him any money at all. How Chan talked himself out of that one he has no idea.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Kemp,” Chan sighed, handing over the keys for the woman and making sure she got into her car and safely drove away before he let his polite expression drop into his usual scowl of absolute hatred for anyone else.

“As always, Christopher. Stay away from that new neighbor of yours!” She called out as she drove away, earning a heavy sigh from the car mechanic she didn’t even hear.

Chan needed to get out of this shit show of a town, but the city was just too far out of his grasp economically.

Chan huffed, threw the rag down on his red toolbox in the middle of the barn he did all his work in, and flopped down in a plastic chair just on the outside of the barn. Chan sighed deeply, letting his eyes flutter shut as his skin gasped for breath when he pulled the rough texture of his upper jumpsuit off of him to allow his dirty white shirt and arms to peek out. Chan’s feet began to pulse in his work boots, crying out for him to get them off and allow his body to relax in a nice bubble bath after dark and read a book on the porch as he smoked and listened to the crickets chirp and dance in the vast fields in front of him.

The fields were the only good part of living in a town like this.

Chan nearly jumped out of his chair when he felt something nuzzling at his foot and the soft panting beneath him, eyes stretched wide at the sight of a very furry, and very large mutt sniffing at his feet. Chan hasn’t ever seen this dog before, and how the fuck did he miss it running up to him? “Hey! Get out of here! Shoo! Go home!” Chan uttered, jerking his knee to get the dog to piss off but it just panted and smiled at him from a foot away. “Off with you!” Chan tried again, eyeing the collar around the dog’s neck. Chan reached out in curiosity, reading the lettering on the tag. “Mars…” Chan uttered, patting his head gently.

This seemed to satisfy the dog as he went darting off in the direction of the house next door with a large moving truck in the driveway, and Chan huffed. The new guy couldn’t even control his dog…

Chan eyed the moving truck wearily before slipping out of his chair to climb onto the tractor he rode down to the barn so he could make it back over the hill to his house without having to work his aching legs any more than necessary. Chan couldn’t help but study the moving van with curiosity the whole way up, eyebrows knitted together and lips pouted to create such a ferocious expression that even Mrs. Kemp would recoil the slightest bit. Chan let the screen door to his house swing shut behind him the moment he saw a figure in the far, far distance pat that mutt on the head and usher the dog inside the home on the hill.

Chan hated this town and everyone in it, including the newcomer.

The fresh chill of the AC slammed Chan in the face the moment he stepped inside, letting the temperatures wash over him with a sigh of pleasure. Despite the way his legs ached, Chan stood in the middle of his living room with his face up toward the fan on the ceiling and let the cool hair cool him down enough to enjoy a nice warm bath.

The nice part of living at home alone with absolutely no roommates or neighbors peeking through your windows is the ability to strip bare just about anywhere in your own home. So… that’s exactly what Chan did, leaving his dirty, greasy work uniform on the ground and stumbling into the bathroom to turn the water of the shower warm and try his best to get the oil out from underneath his nails in the meantime.

When the steam coming off of the boiling hot water began to fog up the mirror, Chan slid into the shower and began to scrub away all the dirt and grime off of his body to leave it squeaky clean with the only little dots all over him being the moles on his chest, back, and lower thighs. With soaked hair and a nearly pink body from the temperature, Chan began to fill up the tub full of the same hot water as if his fingertips weren’t already starting to prune from how long he stood underneath the showerhead a few moments ago.

Chan would worry about his pruney fingers and excessive water bill later, he decided, as the feeling of being submerged in hot water made his normally tense body go limp. Chan allowed his head to lean against the cool tile of the shower wall and let out a deep, unnerving sigh. Chan couldn’t help but submerge himself underneath the soapy bath water until his lungs burned for air. Some nights, he thinks he might not come back up, leave this town for good…

But Chan would not be like his parents, so always came back up.

Always.

The tiles of the showerhead wall grasped Chan’s attention every time he had one of these baths. They were sloppily done in Chan’s opinion, done by his mother when they first moved here when they were fresh out of college and never redone again, and a truly, ugly color. But they were structured. The system may be sloppy and a little problematic, but it worked and it created its own little horrendous masterpiece that some people loved and a lot of people hated.

Sometimes, especially today, Chan wishes when he traced his toes along the crevices of the tiles and pressed down hard enough to make his skin go white, that the roads of Hillreach would crack and let all the houses fall and sink into the void before the cracks closed right back up, with only the gravely concrete of Hillreach roads left behind.

Sometimes, Chan wishes he could watch his town go up in flames but he’d never have the nerve to do it himself.

Eventually, Chan managed to slip out of the bathroom on wobbly legs and a towel around his waist to pull on a pair of boxers and a cotton green t-shirt in the next room but all of it felt a little hazy. Even when Chan accidentally went too deep when scrubbing away at his tongue with his toothbrush and had to dry heave over his sink for five minutes until his nausea passed, his brain felt fuzzy. Even when he knocked his elbow on the washer when he dumped his laundry into it and let out a yelp that made his own ears ring, Chan’s brain felt fuzzy.

Chan’s head was as clear as freshly cleaned glass during the day, but it’s as if the moment he stepped through the door of his home, his brain shut off and everything became foggy. It only became worse once his skin made contact with the smooth cotton of his sheets when he slid under the covers, and the weighted blanket on top made him feel secure in his own skin. Under the influence of a good sleeping environment, Chan became everything he tried to be the opposite of everywhere else: sleepy, a little too cuddly if his mangled foam body pillow said anything at all, and vulnerable.

When Chan fell asleep that night, he hoped and hoped and hoped to wake up somewhere else the next morning.

  
  
  
  


Aside from scrubbing at the oil underneath his fingernails after a long night of work, Chan really only thoroughly enjoyed cooking. It reminded him of his grandmother despite the woman not visiting very often. Chan remembers his parents trying their best to move her from Busan to Hillreach when he was little but Chan’s grandmother remained stubborn. He admired her greatly for that.

The woman was about as fiery as the spices she put in her food, and while Chan couldn’t handle copious amounts of spice she put in her Korean cuisine, he still learned and he still trucked through just to see his grandmother be content that he was eating and putting some meat on his tiny arms. Chan thinks that if his grandmother saw him now, she’d be proud of the way he turned out physically.

The smell of bacon grease lingered outside onto the porch once Chan escaped the confinements of his air-conditioned house and sat down on the swing to eat his very hot plate of breakfast. Chan always went a little overboard with breakfast, but growing up in the south where people practically handed you unwanted crop called for large meals and Chan had no problem with making three eggs with onion, peppers, two handfuls worth of cheese, and some tomatoes, four strips of bacon, and two slices of toast covered in cream cheese and crushed up avocado with lemon juice poured on top all washed down with two cups of green tea. It sounded like a lot, but considering Chan did nothing but lift, sweat, and use up a lot of his own energy, a meal like that was the only preparation his body got for the day.

However, down to only a slice of avocado toast and a slice of bacon, Chan recognized a familiar figure trotting up to his porch and up the steps and sat right at Chan’s feet. “You again? Seriously?” Chan huffed, licking away the grease off his lips while holding his plate of food to his chest a bit more protectively. It had been a few days since he saw the mutt the first time, so Chan wasn’t about to grow a weak heart for him. “Go on! This is mine. Shoo!” Chan waved his hands, even pointed wildly in the direction of the newcomer’s homestead. But the dog didn’t even blink. He simply kept eyeing the food.

Anyone with a soft heart would give in and at least give the dog a tiny bite of bacon, but Chan just sat there, chewing slowly and purposefully while staring the dog in the eye. If the dog was nothing but skin and bones, Chan might have actually given Mars some of Chan’s breakfast, but Mars wasn’t skin and bones. Mars was actually quite well-fed and Chan’s guess is that Mar’s owner already fed him that morning.

Within the rustle of trees and the long grass of the fields around him, Chan finished his breakfast and lit a cigarette, letting the white end go red like a cherry after lighting a flame to it. Chan let out a grey burst of smoke through a small hole between his lips and let the cigarette dangle there for just a few moments before he heard an echoed, deep yell from the top of the hill. “Mars! Come home! Come on, buddy!” and the mutt took off. Chan couldn’t decide if he found it rather hysterical or just downright irritating because the dog  _ did _ listen well. It was just the owner who let the dog roam free in the fields as if everything would be perfectly fine.

Chan took another few angry drags of his cigarette before he saw his first customer for the day roll in and down toward the barn. So, he pulled himself up from the swing, went inside, brushed his teeth, and then climbed onto the tractor parked out front to drive down to the transformed car workshop. “Mornin’. What can I do for you?” Chan gruffed out when he reached the bottom, hopping off his tractor to trudge inside the barn and open up the empty space inside for the man in the car to drive up.

“Tire changes, please,” the man purred, glancing Chan up and down. The man was handsome and young, Chan would admit, but he noticed the gleaming golden ring around the stranger’s finger, so didn’t even bat an eye. Chan nodded mutely, waiting for the man to slip out of his car so Chan could level it up to change the rubber rings. Chan tried his best to not notice how the tires were practically new and decided that if this idiot wanted to spend money to seduce Chan, then Chan would gladly be his $300 whore. “You mind if I stick around while you change them out? Just a lot easier that way.”

“Don’t care,” Chan gruffed out, not even sparing the man a second look. However, he knew he sat down due to the squeak of the plastic chair Chan kept around for any of the elder folk who needed to stick around for the day because they didn’t have a ride.

“My name is Sam, by the way,” the white man called out, the slow thick southern drawl of his voice oozed out like the molasses he probably inhaled on the daily. Chan hated molasses.

“Last name? Need to know it for the bill,” Chan questioned, keeping his tone as bright as possible before letting the smile drop on his face when the man told him his name. Chan quickly scribbled a  _ Sam Gorger _ on a slip and handed it off to him. Sam began to fill everything out on paper, huffing and groaning at Chan’s obvious signs of disinterest. But Chan began to change the tires without a care in the world, going off purely by muscle memory at this point so he had them done within the hour while also entertaining the white man with short, curt responses to his unending questions. “All done. Cash or card?”

Sam let his eyes wash all over Chan’s sweaty body that morning with absolutely no shame before finally making eye contact with the car mechanic. “Card.” Chan winced internally at the sultry expression Sam attempted to have, swiping a hand through his red hair while holding out the card to the mechanic as if that was somehow supposed to be sexy.

So, Chan just swiped his car in the small card reader he kept down at the shop and handed it back to him. “Let me get your car down and then you can be on your way,” Chan gruffed out, not even getting to raise his hand before the man told him to stop and wait. Chan listened and turned back to face the man with a huff. “Perhaps you could allow me to give you something a little extra…” the man slipped out of his seat, towering over Chan’s smaller but much more muscled figure. “You mind?”

And then he was lowering himself to his knees in front of Chan, not even letting the mechanic answer before Sam unbuttoned his pants and slid down his zipper and Chan just let it happen. There wasn’t anyone around and to be quite honest, it’s been a while since anything like this has happened.

But then it turned out to be the worst blowjob in Chan’s life so he pressed the button that lowers the car without letting Sam know and once the car was on the ground, Chan pulled Sam off by his hair and tucked himself back into his jeans. “Looks like your car is ready to go. Have a good day, Mr. Gorger,” Chan grinned evilly, leaving Sam there on his knees to wipe away his hands and adjust himself so it didn’t feel so weird down there. It was only a matter of time before Sam snatched his own keys off the counter, got into his car, and stormed off in a fit of rage because the hot car mechanic didn’t really give him the satisfaction he wanted.

Chan felt pretty damn satisfied with himself though. He hopes that man doesn’t get a wink of sleep for the rest of his life because he’s too unhappy to divorce his wife but too guilty to ever admit to her that he cheated on her with another man.

Chan couldn’t help but smile at his next few customers, as odd as that might be to them. “Afternoon, Ms. Carla. What can I do for you?” Chan questioned. Ms. Carla was the bitchy librarian down the road who cared far too much for her books and not enough for her kids. But that wasn’t any of Chan’s business…

“My car keeps making a strange noise when I push the accelerator,” the woman deadpanned, looking as hollow as she normally did. Ms. Carla was the only person in town that put Chan’s rough, emotionless personality to shame.

“I’ll take a look at it.”

Turns out, it was just her belts she hadn’t replaced in twelve years. How she’s managed to go this long without replacing them, Chan will never understand, but he replaced them anyway. “I’ll have to pay in cash, today,” the woman uttered as she began to dig through her purse for her wallet when her eldest son dropped her off before he went back to work a few hours later. “How much?”

“$500.” Carla glanced at Chan curiously.

“That seems like less compared to some other prices…” Ms. Carla called him out, but Chan just shrugged.

“I have connections, I can get belts and brake pads for cheap so I don’t charge as much for them as other workshops in the city do,” Chan informed her. The woman nodded slowly, and took her keys from Chan’s waiting hands and hopped into her car, and drove away. Out of all the people in this town, Ms. Carla was probably Chan’s favorite because she was too blunt and honest for the rest of the town. Chan strived to be her to an extent.

“Alright, have a good day, Mr. Bang. Feel free to stop by the library…” That was her only little way of telling him that she respected him all the same as she never invited anyone into her library.

“Sure thing, Ms. Carla.” and then she was gone. Chan had a few more customers before he finally called it a night and closed for the day. Chan repeated the same routine he always did. Stripping free of his uniform, getting into the shower, taking a small bath, eating dinner, and then climbing into bed where he felt the safest.

Chan still wished he’d wake up in a different place the next morning.

  
  
  
  


A week passes, and that ratty old mutt from the neighbor’s house won’t stop bothering Chan while eating breakfast. At first, Mars would only come down to Chan’s house every other day, but by the end of the next week, Mars was coming down every morning to sit in front of Chan on his porch while he ate his hearty breakfast and not make a sound. Mars didn’t whine for the food, didn’t get up in Chan’s face in hopes of begging, and half the time didn’t even  _ look _ at Chan. Some mornings, Mars would lay by Chan’s feet and just simply stare off into the distance with a gleam of understanding in his eye. It was as if Mars saw something no one else did.

Chan wondered if Mars could see the mice running through the fields and hear their tiny feet scuffling on the ground or rabbits munching on the crops of Mr. Wiltner a few acres over. Chan never voiced these thoughts out loud, just simply kept eating and observing Mars as if he were more fascinating than anything in the world.

Even when it stormed on a day like this, lightning and thunder going every two minutes, Mars still came clawing at Chan’s door, ready to sit with him at breakfast. “Mars! Go home! It’s too nasty outside for you to be out and about!” Chan snapped once he opened the front door and saw Mars scratching at the netting of the screen door. “Home! Go!” Chan tried again but Mars seemed pretty adamant about spending time with Chan.

After another harsh crack of thunder incredibly close by, Chan decided to let the dog in and usher him toward the kitchen so the dog didn’t get mud all over his carpet. Mars seemed to settle the moment he reached the cold tile of Chan’s kitchen, causing the man to wince at the wet mud the dog pressed into the floor when he flopped down.

“Mars…” Chan sighed, padding out of the room to grab an old, ratty towel covered in oil stains to dry Mars off and clean the floor once he got Mars up and walking around. Chan soon went back to fixing breakfast, trying his best to ignore Mars panting up at Chan as he sat at the human’s side. “Fuck off, mutt. You’re not getting any of this,” Chan bit into a fresh slice of bacon for emphasis but whimpered as the greasy hot meat burnt the roof of his mouth. “Fuck!” Chan didn’t like the way Mars practically smirked up at him afterward. “Stop looking at me like that.”

Mars didn’t.

With a screech of wood against the floor tile, Chan pulled out the chair to his scratched and stained dining room table and plopped down to eat his breakfast. Mars continued to lay by his side but didn’t stare up at Chan in a begging manner. It was as if the dog just wanted Chan’s company.

Chan wondered how much Mar’s owner paid him attention if any at all. But he found that the more he thought about it, the sadder he got and the more empathetic for the dog he became. Chan had been alone for a good portion of his life, and it wasn’t his family’s fault, or anyone else’s… just Chan’s. Only Chan’s. He was the one that rejected any advances kids had with him at a young age. He was the one that said no when others invited him over because he knew that his mother would have to meet their parents and he was embarrassed by his mother.

Chan was embarrassed by a lot of things, and while he held little to no shame now, that didn’t take away the fact that when he started to want company, he couldn’t have it anymore and how it was all his fault.

It hurt in a way that he couldn’t explain and his own personal blame just made the pain worse.

Mars made a low sigh of content when Chan’s fingers curled in the fur on the top of his head before smoothing it out with his palm. And if Chan later put down his plate on the floor for Mars to lick clean once Chan was done eating, that was his own business.

Once the rain lightened and the thunder faded out, Chan’s anxiety began to settle back in and when the sky turned a light gray and the fields turned a dull tan, Chan shooed Mars out of the house. “Go. Get. Go back to your real owner.” Mars just stared up at the Korean man in confusion, eyeing Chan and the door Chan held open for him. Mars just wouldn’t leave. “Mars! Go! You can come back tomorrow!” Chan thinks Mars must be human stuck in a dog because after Chan said he could come back, Mars took off out the door and up the hill. Chan felt his lungs constrict when he saw a purple-haired man standing just far away enough for Chan to not see his face but know that he was still beautiful either way.

Chan went back inside, ignoring the figure waving at him enthusiastically. Chan hoped he wouldn’t ever come down the hill. Chan doesn’t think he can handle ever actually seeing his face because he knows he’ll be a goner the moment he lays his eyes on the newcomer.

  
  


However, it was only a matter of time before Chan came face to face with the beautiful newcomer and felt his entire heart drop into his stomach with both want and absolute  _ dread _ . “Aye, Mars. ‘Mere” Chan grumbled early that morning, unbearably tired as he didn’t sleep much the night before so not caring if he probably gave Mars far too many bacon strips that foggy morning.

The morning, in general, proved as rather nice as the clouds just barely hid the making it not that bright and a nice, warm breeze flowed through and brushed along Chan’s cheeks and through his hair. It tugged Chan back into the pleasurable aspects of his brain, but if he actually listened to the atmosphere around him, he would have heard footsteps approaching his porch separated from the rustle of the long grass in the fields around him.

Chan grinned to himself, just the tiniest of smiles when he felt Mars’s gums enclose around the tips of his fingers. “Always so gentle aren’t you?”

“He’s good like that.” Chan let out a gasp and jolted upright at the sound of a new, painfully deep voice. All the air in Chan’s lungs rushed out in one go when his eyes landed on the figure of a man leaning against the post of Chan’s porch with a smirk. Chan couldn’t help but eye the tattoos on his skin and the purple of his hair. “So… You’re the reason my dog’s gotten so fat,” The man uttered, voice as deep as the fucking ocean that sent chills down Chan’s spine.

Chan snapped his jaw shut, keeping his heart and thoughts at bay to the best of his ability. “Suppose,” Chan uttered back gruffly, keeping his eyes on the dog at his feet rather than the man a few feet away from him. The man just laughed cutely.  _ Chan didn’t need this right now _ .

“Well, thank you for keeping him company.” Chan didn’t say anything at first, blinking toward the man in an almost aggressive manner. It seemed this new man saw right through it though. “I’m Felix Lee, and you must be Chris, right?” Felix questioned with the cutest cock of his head, and Chan’s fist clenched in an effort to hold some self-control.

“Yeah… that’s right.” Chan’s tongue swept along his greasy bottom lip as he began to push his food around on his plate. “What can I do for you?” Chan questioned, biting into a bagel half and hoping there was no cream cheese on his face.

Felix just shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure you were the man I was looking for. I heard you’re the best car mechanic in town-”

“I’m the  _ only _ car mechanic in town,” Chan grumbled bitterly, sparing Felix a shy look in fear that he might have been off-put by Chan’s attitude. Felix just grinned softly, so softly it felt like Felix had reached out and cupped his cheek to calm Chan down. Chan hated it.

Felix chuckled deeply, “Well, I guess all the experience makes you good at your job then, right?” Chan couldn’t argue with that.

“Suppose.”

“Good. My car’s been having some issues and I need someone to take a look at it,” Felix explained, moving his hands around as he spoke looking incredibly animated. It was endearing.

Chan coughed roughly, dropping his head down and swiping a hand through his curls to snap himself out of his love-sick brain. Chan couldn’t do this right now. Chan couldn’t do this ever. At least while living in this town. “I’m full all week, you’ll have to bring it by late next week.” Felix didn’t seem affected by Chan’s empty tone, and Chan couldn’t decide if he hated that or Felix’s smile afterward.

“What would be a good day for you? That’s not super busy?”  _ Never _ .

“Erm… people like to bring in their cars all the time but I only have two appointments Thursday so just drop it off in the morning on Thursday,” Chan explained, still not looking Felix in the eye.

“Alright, sounds good. Thanks.” Felix didn’t say anything else for a moment, as if expecting Chan to say something back. Chan didn’t. He just nodded. “Come on, Mars,” And Mars followed. Chan couldn’t help but watch them walk up the hill with the tiniest of pouts before he trailed back into his home and let the screen door slam behind him with a rattle that practically shook the walls.

“Fucking hell.”

  
  
  


Chan really hated his life and the luck that came with it. In the back of his mind, the idea that Felix was coming by Thursday morning to drop off his car nagged at him relentlessly, but that didn’t take away the surprise Chan felt when he saw Felix’s car rolling down the hill through his house window and nearly choked on his tea in the process. Chan was incredibly thankful for his body already clothed with his uniform, so placed his tea on the counter and left the house with reluctance.

As he trailed down the path that leads to the barn from his house, he tried his best to keep his eyes anywhere except Felix. It was hard at first, but it got easier when Chan saw Mars running down the hill from the house and chasing Chan’s tractor all the way down to the barn. “Hey buddy,” Chan greeted the moment he stopped at the bottom of the hill, and Mars’ front paws landed on the edges of the small tractor. “How ya doin’?” Chan patted Mars head before hopping off of the tractor and turning to Felix. The sight of the purple-haired man leaned up against his black jeep in a green, thin elbow-length sleeved-shirt tucked into a pair of black jeans and black combat boots to match made Chan’s heart leap into his throat.

God, he was so fucking gay.

“Morning, Chris,” Felix chimed with a grin and a raise of his eyebrows. Chan felt a little queasy at the sight.

“Morning,” Chan gruffed out, coughing to clear his throat and then spitting it out towards the barn. Maybe if he put off Felix enough… “So tell me what’s wrong with your car.” Felix followed Chan into the barn, admiring the muscles Chan flexed when lifting the doors open and the stretch of his arm to reveal his biceps. Felix barely managed to catch his own breath when Chan turned to him expectantly.

“My breaks are fucked up. The rotor is really scratched on the left side,” Felix named off, and Chan was mildly impressed. “I also need to change my oil.”

“You seem to know what you’re talking about, why can’t you do it yourself?” Chan questioned rudely. Felix just chuckled and smiled, revealing those straight, shiny white teeth that made his smile oh so much prettier.

“My brother in law always taught me about cars when he got the chance but I don’t exactly have the tools to do any of this myself. I just know how to find what’s wrong.”

“Good skill to have. It should be done in half an hour,” Chan uttered, nearly choking on his own spit when he saw Felix yawn, stretch his arms high above his head toward the sky, and his shirt ride up to reveal his toned stomach.  _ Were those abs…? _ Chan shook the thought out of his head.  _ Stop objectifying him you asshat _ . Chan took in a shuddering breath and turned away as Felix began to speak.

“Oh, that’s a lot shorter than I thought it would be,” Felix cocked his head to the side.

“Breaks aren’t that hard to replace and I’m a busy man. I don’t like charging by the hour because I don’t have the hours to spare,” Chan explained, keeping his tone empty and eyes dead.  _ Please god just go away _ .

“Smart.”

“Keys?”  _ Thanks _ . Felix dug around in his pockets and pulled out the keyring and threw it to him. “I can bring it up to your house if you’d like. That way we don’t have to wait on one another,” Chan offered, and while yes, the offer was polite but Chan couldn’t have possibly have sounded ruder at that moment. Felix still came off as unbothered.

“Sounds good. I’ll be going out to town for food in a few minutes so if I’m not back by then just leave the car keys in the plant pot by the front door,” Felix explained, not moving an inch until Chan nodded in understanding. “Bye, Chris,” Felix waved before tracking up the hill with Mars in tow. Chan’s heart didn’t stop beating at unnecessarily high speed until ten minutes later and he barely got the car up off of the ground.

Chan tried his best to occupy his mind by replacing Felix’s breaks and changing his oil, but he found himself checking out all parts of the car, checking up on everything and keeping track of what needs to be fixed. Normally, Chan wouldn’t do that for anyone, he didn’t like inviting people back but… _ Chan just couldn’t help himself _ .

So, when he replaced the breaks and changed the oil, he hopped into the very nice jeep, almost too nice to even look at, and very carefully drove it up the hill and into the driveway of the even nicer house. Chan knew the large mansion on the top of the hill, the lone one, not even Mrs. Kemp bothered to buy that fell apart at the seams, was getting renovated earlier that year, the entire town buzzed about it, but he didn’t think that someone as young as Felix could turn the rotten sidings into fresh green ones and the dusting brick into lively reds. The house looked as it did in the pictures in the city museum.

The idea of Felix coming in and changing everything Chan knew made Chan feel a little sick to his stomach.

When Chan reached the front of the house, he hopped out of the car, greeted Mars who sat on the front porch waiting for his master patiently, and dropped the keys into the clay flower pot by the freshly refurbished original mahogany door with stained glass at the top. Chan stopped when he crouched down to drop the keys into the flower pot though, and it was for the oddest of reasons. Chan noticed how bad the oil under his nails was, as if it had built up over the 15 years he’s been working on cars. Did he really drive Felix’s cars with his dirty ass hands?

Chan nearly jumped out of his own skin at the sound and rumbling of a motorcycle racing up the hill. All the breath ran out of him when he saw Felix pull up the hill on his motorcycle, and pull off his helmet to reveal perfect  _ fucking _ helmet purple hair. Goddamnit, did he really just look like that? “That was quick,” Felix called out with a grin, watching Chan swivel on his feet and walk down the porch steps with straight shoulders and a false stoic expression.

“Uh… yeah. I can do both of those things off muscle memory alone,” Chan uttered, looking away and clearing his throat when Felix cocked his head to the side and gaped at him like a puppy seeing something for the first time. “I wrote down some things that I noticed when working on your car but none of it’s urgent, just some stuff to keep an eye on as time passes.” Chan dug in his pocket to pull out a crumpled piece of paper and straightened it over before handing it over to Felix. Felix plucked it from his fingers and looked over it. “I’m sure you’re already well aware of all of this, I just wanted to make sure-”

“Thank you, Chris. I knew about some of these things but I didn’t notice some of these so thanks. Seriously.”

Chan reeled back in shock. It had been a long time since someone sincerely thanked him for anything, and of course, it had to be the handsome newcomer Chan‘s heart reacted to so greatly. “Oh, uh, no problem,” Chan flushed, scratching at his temple. A silence fell over them for a few moments, and Chan spoke up out of the feeling of being suffocated. “Nice bike.” Chan’s eyes squeezed shut for a few moments at the weird lilt to his voice that made him sound highly uncomfortable.

Felix didn’t even look back at his bike, keeping his eyes locked on Chan. “Thanks. It was my dad’s, and I fixed it up when I turned 16,” Felix murmured. “Do you ride?” Chan almost choked on his own spit.

“I used to… I don’t anymore though,” Chan explained, rubbing his left palm insecurely over his right bicep. Felix watched the movement with curiosity evident in his features but didn’t ask any more questions. “But a Honda CB970? (*no pun intended please have mercy on me this is a very nice bike I swear*) I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one of these in person,” Chan breathed out, stepping past Felix to just barely graze his fingers across the blue steel but stopping himself from actually touching it.

“My dad was apart of a charter up north, so they took their bikes very seriously. He taught me everything I know.” Chan had heard of the characters, and knowing that Felix, or at least his family, were apart of that made him all the more interesting. “Maybe I could tell you about it over dinner one night,” Felix winked, prompting Chan to flush and choke on his own spit.

Chan tried to cover up his embarrassment with a cough. “Perhaps,” it wasn’t true as far as Chan was aware, but the smile Felix wore was worth it. “I should get going. I have other cars to work on-”

“You didn’t work on my car first did you? When you had other clients?” Felix pouted cutely, so cutely that Chan felt the urge to trail up to the man and give him a hug while pressing kisses into his cheeks and temples. Chan doesn’t think he’s ever felt that urge about anyone before.

Chan coughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck with his oil ridden fingernails. “It’s not a big deal. Yours was easy and It’s easier to get the short things out of the way first.” Felix looked at him with an expression that said it all. He knew exactly what Chan was doing.

“Alright then… I shouldn’t keep you much longer. I was serious about the dinner proposal. I would like to get to know you better, Chris.”

“I….” Chan trailed off, unsure as to what to say, “if I find myself alone one night in need of company, I’ll give you a call.” Felix smiled as brightly as the moon. Chan loved the moon.

“Great! How about we exchange numbers, hm?” and before Chan could even think about it, he was handing over his cellphone without another thought. Anyone else? Chan would have dodged it, but he found himself staring down at Felix’s contact with a smile the whole way down the hill and toward the barn.

*Felix <3: Have a good day, Chris!*

*Christopher: You too.*

  
  


Chan didn’t go into the city that often, particularly due to the fact that not many people enjoyed his presence and he didn’t enjoy anyone else’s presence. However, Chris went out every Saturday to eat at the diner in the same booth with the same order and went to the store on Sundays to get his groceries for the week. Chan didn’t necessarily enjoy spending his only two days off in the city, but those were the only times he actually could afford to do so.

With a plate full of the best burger Chan’s ever had and fries as skinny as his thumbs, Chan sat in the diner with pure content running through his veins. Chan was about halfway through his burger and in the middle of wiping a ketchup stain off of his mouth with the ends of his red and black flannel when the diner owner came marching up to his table and dropped a peanut butter and banana shake on the red table. “For you,” The owner gritted out through bared teeth. Chan looked up at him in question.

“I didn’t order that.”

“I know. Someone else did,” the owner jerked his head over to the bar behind them, Chan locking eyes with a beaming Felix that waved cutely in his direction, and Chan’s heart sped up a few beats. “My diner is not a pub, fag,” the owner spat before walking away, and that alone made Chan’s heart freeze over and his eyes focus on the table. Chan didn’t even bother to look up when he heard footsteps approach the table and Felix started talking.

“Mind if I join you?” Chan just jerked his head with a singular nod. “How are you?”

_ Chris don’t do this. _ “Fine,” Chan grunted, taking a bite of a ketchup-covered fry and throwing it back onto his plate. Chan still wouldn’t look at Felix. But Felix didn’t go away. In fact, Felix grabbed for a french-fry, and Chan didn’t even stop him. Felix grabbed for multiple fries actually, and Chan just watched with a certain fondness, even if he felt a little betrayed when Felix scrunched his nose at the taste of ketchup.

“Ketchup is so gross,” Felix pretended to gag, earning a noise of protest from the elder car mechanic. “Don’t try and argue with me. It’s gross,” And then Felix was turning toward the owner of the diner and started speaking before Chan could stop him. “Excuse me, sir? Do you have any honey mustard?” The owner’s expression snarled up at the sight and voice of bright, bubby Felix, but still went behind the counter to pull out a box of honey mustard bottles and dropped one on the table like he did the milkshake. Felix seemed rather unbothered.

Felix just simply shook the bottle a bit before pouring a mountain of honey mustard on an empty spot of Chan’s plate and then dipped three more French fries with the most content, smug smile on his face before Chan finally scoffed. Felix froze mid-bite, peering up at Chan shyly.

“What?” Felix questioned with a tiny voice and Chan just shook his voice with an empty chuckle, a swipe through his hair, and then a few more moments of just…  _ studying _ Felix. This man was just so  _ weird _ .

After a few moments, Chan finally pushed the milkshake glass over toward Felix’s side of the table, watching the male’s face fall. Chan hated the sight of it, so quickly blurted out a quick, hot, “Not here,” before sliding out of the booth quickly.

However, before Chan could get very far, Felix grabbed for Chan’s wrist and tugged him back so Chan’s hip hit the table and the dishes rattled sharply. Chan could feel all of the pairs of eyes littered about in the diner trained on him, and the man who was nearly holding his hand. “How about Wednesday then? Dinner? My house?” Felix wasn’t pleading, but Chan’s heart pumped so harshly in his chest for a number of different reasons that it felt like Chan was suffocating.

“Sure,” he gruffed out so roughly it sounded more like a cough than an answer, but it was obvious Felix knew what he said based on the relief in his eyes and the bright smile Felix spared the elder. Chan probably left the diner a little too abruptly for the town’s liking, but he literally felt like he couldn’t breathe so he needed to leave.

The man didn’t even get to finish his damn burger.

  
  
  
  


God, Chan can remember the conversation he had with Mrs. Kemp Monday when fixing her air conditioning like the back of his hand. How she scolded him for talking to the new boy with ‘homosexual tendencies.’ How Chan looked up at Felix’s house and uttered that he was trying to stay away.

And yet, here Chan was, standing in front of Felix’s home as the sunset behind him on that nice, Wednesday night with a bottle of cheap wine in his hands. And if it couldn’t be any worse, Chan didn’t even say hello when Felix opened the door, just waved the bottle around with an awkward smile. “I hope you’re old enough to drink.” But then, Chan had a revelation and fear struck him like lightning. “You’re old enough to drink, right?”

Felix began giggling cutely, covering his mouth with an oddly tiny hand that didn’t match the lion tattoo on the top of it  _ at all _ , and Chan bit down on his lip to prevent himself from cooing at the sight of it. “I’m 24,” Felix reassured, amused by it all before stepping to the side and opening the door a bit wider. “Come on inside.”

The moment Chan stepped inside the large house, he immediately started gaping at the interior. Chan’s been in this house once or twice but never has it looked like  _ this _ . The walls are either painted a dark grey or made with false bricks, the floors were shiny and looked to be made out of the same mahogany the door was made out of, and plants were. Fucking. Everywhere. “I’m 26, by the way,” Chan breathed out.

“Oh, so you’re  _ old _ ,” Felix teased, earning a scoff from the elder, but it was obvious Chan was rather amused by the comment.

“I’m only about 50 mentally, smartass. I’m not  _ that _ old,” Chan attempted to defend himself but dropped it when he saw how gorgeous the kitchen was. Felix would later tell him that the first time he saw Chan’s face really light up was when he saw Felix’s kitchen for the first time. “So much money….” Chan trailed off, twirling around slowly as he took in the all stainless steel kitchen appliances, the high ceiling, marble counters, the dark grey wood, plants, and the lights. It was a rude comment in the long run, but Felix knew where it came from.

“Yeah… I’m practically so in love with this kitchen I’m scared to use it,” Felix explained, but before Chan could open his mouth and tell Felix he understood completely, they heard the clicking of nails against the wood and soft panting before a furry, familiar figure came trotting into the kitchen in excitement. “Hey, buddy,” Felix chimed, trying to get Mars to come over to him so Feix would pet him but Mars stopped at Chan’s feet, sat down, and peered up at him patiently.

“Go on, mutt. Go let your owner love you,” Chan tried to shoo him away but Mars stayed put and Felix began cooing as he went back to fixing dinner.

“I think he only wants you right now, Chris,” Felix pointed out with a grin, but Chan just stared down at Mars with a dumbfounded look.

“That’s dumb. Go on.” of course Mars didn’t, so Chan just gave Mars what he wanted and hunched down uncomfortably to rub the side of the dog’s belly.

“You can go play with him in the living room if you’d like. Or sit down at the island. I don’t mind,” Felix attempted to make Chan more comfortable, but Chan weighed himself on the balls of his feet and pressed his lips together shyly. “What?” Felix questioned with a giggle, peering his head over his shoulder to look at Chan as the younger cut up some onions.

“Could I possibly help you cook?” Chan requested, and Felix turned back to him, the knife pointed in Chan’s directions.

“Would you pull that stick out of your ass if I let you help?” Chan vigorously nodded his head. “Alright, come on. You can cut the onions and mushrooms,” Felix waved him over, handed Chan the knife once he washed his hands, and turned on music as they finished up the spaghetti. “Alright, I’ll finish up. You go sit down,” Felix nudged Chan away once the noodles were taken off the heat and rinsed. “The dining room is just down the hall. The second door on the left.”

Chan nodded, fluffy hair bouncing cutely before he and mars left the kitchen to hide in the dining room. Chan wanted to look around the moment he saw the pictures hanging around, but he fought the urge and sat down quickly when he heard Felix approaching the dining room a few seconds later. So, he took the napkin on the table, folded it in his lap, and watched Felix spoon spaghetti onto his plate. It felt… oddly domestic. It reminded Chan of his mother. The man gulped audibly at the thought and sight of steaming food in front of him that smelled far too delicious.

“Dig in,” Felix mused when he saw Chan hesitate to pick up his fork and swirl some of the spaghetti around the metal prongs. Chan made a noise in the back of his throat and before Felix knew it, all the younger could hear was teeth scraping against metal and metal scraping against porcelain as Chan practically shoveled it all down his throat. Felix found it rather endearing, even if the mouth noises Chan made bordered on disgusting. Chan vaguely resembled a child who didn’t know any better at that moment. “Slow down, old man.”

Chan scoffed loudly but didn’t attempt to make conversation as he ate. Chan’s family didn’t talk while eating, just after they got done eating. Chan felt like he needed to explain that too once half of his plate was gone and he washed it down with a large gulp of wine. “I’m sorry. My family used to eat before we talked. Old habits die hard,” Chan sheepishly grumbled, but Felix just shrugged his shoulders, made a neutral expression, and waved his fork in dismissal.

“It’s alright. My family was practically the opposite. It was a nightmare trying to get one bite in so by the time dinner was done, it was too cold to eat,” Felix rattled on, “this is nice.” Chan reeled back slightly in alarm, not used to such a claim. No one had ever described an experience with him as  _ nice _ .

“Oh.” Felix just giggled and shoved a bit of food into his mouth.

“But slow down. There’s no need to rush. We’ve got all night and I don’t want you to be miserable because you ate too much too fast,” Felix scolded like a parent, and Chan found himself flushing so unbearably red he nearly slammed his head on a plate of spaghetti in front of him from tilting his head down so quickly and intensely. “There you go again…” Felix laughed in amusement, grabbing a roll from the basket he placed in the middle of the table and shoving half of it in his mouth with his tiny fingers…

_ Oh god _ .

Silence draped over them once again, even after their food had long since been finished and now they began to finish off the cheap wine Chan brought over as some sort of…  _ peace offering? House warming gift? Some sort of first date type of thing? _ Chan’s eyes widened in horror.  _ Was this a fucking date? Oh god _ \- “What are you thinking about over there? It looks like you saw a corpse hanging in a window,” Felix questioned in both amused and concerned curiosity. Chan just peered up at him with furrowed eyebrows and the most grumpy but adorable pout Felix had ever laid his eyes upon. Felix covered his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. “Sorry, I watch a lot of horror movies.”

Chan saw that as the perfect opportunity to derail this conversation from the original question. “You like horror movies?” Chan leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and peering at Felix in interest. No one in this town liked horror movies aside from Chan and maybe a few others secretly because of how religious the town is, to begin with. This only proceeded to remind Chan further of Felix’s foreign status to Hillreach.

“Love them,” Felix replied shortly, but it didn’t take him long to jump into explaining himself. “I’m not really scared of a lot of things and horror movies are truly so awful at scaring people that I’ve almost found it as a hobby to watch them and categorize them into good or bad horror movies.” Felix looked so shy when explaining himself.

Chan tried not to express too much interest then Bang Chan any other day would. “Oh yeah? What are the best and worst movies you’ve seen so far?” Felix cocked his head to the side and looked up to the ceiling in thought, lips pouted cutely.

“I think the worst movie I’ve ever seen was ‘The Basement’ and that’s because one, the guy had a terrible accent, and two, it was just… really bad and the only thing that saved it slightly was the gore.” Chan nodded in understanding. “There are a lot of movies that were filmed beautifully but didn’t really make “My Good Horror Movies” list. So, the only movies that genuinely gave off a fear factor were ‘Babadook’, which I still don’t understand why that one gives me the creeps-” Chan laughed very quietly at that, “and surprisingly, the ‘Autopsy of Jane Doe’.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen that one,” Chan spoke into his wine with the tiniest of smirks when Felix gasped in horror.

“We’re watching it now. I’m not giving you a choice. Grab your glass and the wine bottle because we’re getting drunk on the couch while watching a good horror movie,” Felix ordered, and Chan glanced down at all the dirty dishes on the table.

“Shouldn’t we clean up first?” Chan called out, curling his pointer finger and thumb around the edges of the porcelain plate.

“I’ll clean up after you leave~” Felix sing-songed as he walked out of the dining room and down the hall into the grand living room with a large tv hanging above the fireplace. Chan gaped in shock. “Do you want the couch with Mars or the chair of solitude?” Felix gestured dramatically to the seating arrangement but Chan didn’t really receive a choice when Mars jumped up onto the couch and took Chan’s wrist between his broken teeth gently to urge him down.

“I’ll take the couch with Mars,” Chan uttered gruffly, taking his arm out of Mar’s mouth and sinking down into the cushion after placing the bottle of wine and his glass on the coffee table, and ruffled the fur on top of Mar’s head with a fond little twinge in his heart. Suddenly, something soft but slightly heavy was thrown at him and when he turned toward the culprit with a scowl, Felix just grinned.

“Take your shoes off, stay awhile,” Felix joked, and if that had been anyone else, Chan would have kept his boots on just to spite him, but Chan ended up leaning down to untie and slip them off anyway. Chan neatly placed them next to the couch side by side before leaning back into the couch and relaxing his muscles as he pulled the emerald green blanket over the top of his lap and Mars settled his head onto Chan’s thigh. It made Chan feel wanted, it made him feel  _ nice _ .

Chan’s content little isolated silence was interrupted by Felix reaching out of his chair to grab the little Roku remote with a grunt, much like the one dad’s make when climbing into a car, and then continued to lean forward, elbow propped up on his crossed legs and his palm cupping the chin of Felix’s concentrated-pouted face as he began to scroll through Netflix to find what he was looking for. Chan just watched with an expression of fondness he quickly switched off when Felix coughed and turned to him.

“Wow, they really weren’t joking when they said you didn’t talk much,” Felix laughed a little, and Chan tensed up in alarm.

“What?” Chan grunted out, suddenly hostile, but Felix was quick to create some sort of damage control.

“I asked around for a car mechanic and they all pointed to you, but every single person I asked said “He won’t talk much, just kind of works and frowns so much I’m surprised he doesn’t have wrinkles” and I didn’t believe them. But it’s alright. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Felix rattled on.

“I think you talk enough for the both of us,” Chan muttered under his breath, pushing his fist into his head to support it as he looked anywhere but Felix.

“Then we should get along just fine, right?” Felix winked when Chan finally gained enough courage to look at him but Chan just flushed and looked away again.  _ For someone who gives off such intense angry vibes, he vaguely resembles a baby _ . The thought made Felix giggle, but before Chan could even begin to question it, Felix started the movie and sat back in his chair.

And Felix was right. The “Autopsy of Jane Doe” was incredibly good and gave off a fear factor completely created by suspense. “I don’t say this very often but you were right,” Chan gruffed out when they reached the end of the movie and the credits began to roll. Felix cheered loudly, throwing his fists up in the air, and Chan was far too tipsy to hide his smile.

“See~” Felix slurred, leaning out of his chair so much he nearly slipped out of it and ended up pulling a leg out and placing it on the floor to support himself when Felix rested his hands on Chan’s knees. It looked like the most uncomfortable position in the world if Chan were honest. Chan’s heart sped up at the close proximity of the two. “You should always believe me. I would never lie to a handsome man like you,” Felix chirped, leaning forward a little more with puckered lips. Chan managed to gather some common and sense shoved him away with a palm to Felix’s face and a small laugh and squinted eyes.

“You’re such an idiot, newcomer. I wonder how long you’ll last here.” It almost sounded somber in a way, as if Chan was counting down the days when his newfound company would finally pack his bags and leave just like all the other ones had. Felix just giggled and shook his head.

“I’ll last a long time here.”

“Oh yeah?” Chan questioned with amusement evident in his tone, realizing that Felix was really almost drunk off his ass right now. He wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow morning and knowing that provided Chan the slightest bit of comfort.

“Yeah!” Felix cheered like a child, “I’ll stay for as long as you want, handsome,” Felix slurred, booping Chan’s nose.

“You’re drunk, Felix,” Chan muttered, capturing Felix’s wrists softly in his calloused hands and moving Felix back so the younger was leaning back into his chair, safe from harm.

“So what!” Felix giggled more, grabbing for Chan’s hand when the man got up. “You should stay~” Felix’s puppy dog eyes were practically irresistible at this point but Chan had an unhealthy amount of self-control.

“I need to go home and you need to get some sleep,” Chan sobered up rather quickly, but still spoke softly even if his voice and words came out gruffly. “Come on. Get up,” Chan ordered, but Felix was nothing but dead-weight when Chan tried to drag him out of the chair.

“No~” Felix whined loudly, but then a thought passed through his head and his eyes lit up. “You should carry me.” With hands placed on his hips and eyes trained wearily on the drunken man below him, Chan sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Felix, if I pick you up, I’m throwing you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes,” Chan muttered, but Felix just huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Chan just shrugged and bent down to bury the top of his head into Felix’s ribs as he pulled Felix to the edge of the seat before hauling him over his shoulders. Felix squealed and giggled.

“This is fun!” His giggles bounced off the walls loudly, swinging his arms around and whooping as Chan carried him up the stairs. However, when they reached the top, Felix’s giggles stopped abruptly, and “I think I’m going to be sick,” was the next thing to bounce off the walls before Chan quickly set Felix back down on the ground and the younger went running off to the bathroom. Chan winced at the sound of Felix gagging and hurling in the next room over and went to check on him just to be sure.

All Felix did was pout when he stood back up with watery eyes and saliva coating his lips. Chan grabbed for a washcloth off the shelf, turned on the faucet, and soaked it before ringing it out and slathering it across Felix’s face to clean him of all the throw-up. “You’re a mess,” Chan grumbled, flushing the toilet and throwing the dirty washcloth into the bath after pulling away.

“I am in no way a mess! I am a grown man who just gets drunk sometimes-” Chan kind of tuned Felix out after that, grabbing for Felix’s toothbrush and toothpaste and slathering some of the minty substance onto the bristles before turning back to a still rambling Felix.

“Hush,” Chan grabbed for Felix’s chin gently, instantly silencing the younger but ruining the tender moment when Chan shoved the toothbrush into Felix’s agape mouth. “Now brush your teeth, get changed, and get in bed, yeah?” And then Chan was patting Felix on the shoulder before walking away and trailing down the stairs and cleaning up the mess they created.

By the time Chan left, the moon was high in the sky but the leftover spaghetti was safe in Tupperware in the fridge, dishes and pans were washed and drying on the rack, the wine bottle was placed safely on the counter, all the blankets were folded, and Chan had set a note on Felix’s nightstand along with some painkillers and a glass of water. Sure, it was a lot, especially for someone like Chan, but he didn’t mind. At least not that much anyway.

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

_ Felix, _

_ Getting so drunk that you get sick on a night with your neighbor doesn’t give off very good first impressions, now does it? _

_ -C.B. _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

  
  


——————————————

**11:03**

**Felix<3: Thank you for taking care of me last night.**

**Felix<3: I’m so sorry for getting drunk :(**

**Christopher: It’s okay.**

——————————————

  
  
  
  
  


Literally, the last thing Chan wanted was to wake up to knocks at his door and pulled from a night of very good sleep. In fact, the man marched right up to his front door in socks, two sizes too big boxers, and a v-neck t-shirt that dipped down low enough to expose the one tattoo Chan had: a scorpion above his heart. It was only after Chan ripped open the main door and looked through the screen door to see a beaming Felix that he froze mid-anger. “Good morning, Christopher.”

“What do you want?”

“Now that’s not a very nice way to greet someone, Chris.” And then Felix looked him up and down, smirking slightly. “But I can obviously see that you just woke up so I’ll allow it for now.” Chan just rolled his eyes.

“I’m too tired for this…” Chan grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Seriously, what do you need?” God knows what time it was that morning, and if Chan’s inkling was right, it was far too early for such peppiness.

“Your time and attention…?” Felix squeaked out, wincing at his own words as they tumbled out. Chan didn’t even open his own, just squinting his eyes harshly in Felix’s direction and making his stance far too hostile. “Okay, fine, I need a buddy for the day. I need groceries but I don’t want to go to the farmers market alone!” Felix finally admitted his needs with a sheepish smile and eyes that wouldn’t even look at Chan.

Chan shuffled on the balls of his feet wearily. “I don’t know…”

“I’ll buy you breakfast!” Felix pleaded, looking ready to get down on his knees and beg. Chan kind of wanted to see it if he were honest.

Somehow, Chan’s glare managed to get  _ worse _ . “I already owe you one free meal, I don’t want to owe you another.” Felix groaned loudly, head knocking back showing off the span of his throat. Chan… Chan kind of wanted to put his mouth on it.

“God,  _ please _ Chris. I will literally do anything if you agree to go with me today,” Felix tried one more time, and Chan just couldn’t find it in him to argue anymore.

“Fuck, fine. Come in and sit down so I can get ready,” Chan growled, unlocking the screen door but not opening it for the younger as Chan swiveled on the balls of his feet to stalk off into his bedroom and pull his shirt off to change into a pair of slightly dirty jeans and a gray tank top underneath a green and black flannel. When Chan came back out into the living room to grab his boots and slip them on his socked feet with little effort, Felix was stood in the middle of the room looking everything over.

“Very homey,” Felix complimented. Chan didn’t utter a word. “I like all the baby pictures, even as a child you were unnecessarily grumpy,” Felix snickered cutely, making a strangled noise in the back of his throat when something soft and round hit the back of Felix’s head. Felix whirled around to see a rolled-up pair of socks on the floor and

leaned down, snatched them, and then pointed aggressively in Chan’s direction. The elder just glared at him with no emotion in his eyes. It would have been daunting to anyone else, but not Felix. Felix just matched his glare. “There’s no need to be violent.”

Chan snarled his nose up, holding his hand out for Felix to give him back the socks. His snarl only intensified when Chan realized Felix wasn’t going to give him back his socks. So Chan waved his hand quickly, aggressively even, but Felix’s eyes squinted so thinly they looked as if they had snapped shut. “Come on, Felix. Give me back my socks,” Chan ordered, displeasure evident in his tone.

“Say please.”

“They’re my socks-”

“Say please!” Felix snapped, watching Chan sigh heavily, shoulders slumped and stone-cold wall falling into dust as Chan glanced down to his lap and swiped a hand through his hair.

Chan spoke oh so softly, so much softer than their previous high strung voices from before, “Can I please have my socks back?” Like a child almost. Felix’s stern expression fell into a content, smiling one and he tossed the socks back without warning. Chan caught them with ease, coughing a bit as he unraveled them. Silence cloaked over the two like a suffocating blanket that made Chan feel both hot and cold at the same time but didn’t say anything as Felix continued to look around the house and at all of the pictures Chan’s mother put up a few months before she died. Chan may not keep the house clean, but he always takes the time to dust off her hard work to keep it pristine.

She and everyone else might be gone, but the memory was still there, clear and vivid, and pristine in his bitter thoughts.

When Chan stood up with his shoes on and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he looked to the ground like a meek child, Felix whirled around and spared him a happy grin. “Are you ready to go?” Felix questioned, stuffing one hand into one of his back pockets and playing with his lips with his other hand. Chan couldn’t take his eyes off of the movement.

“Yeah,” Chan swallowed thickly, “Just let me grab my keys, wallet, and phone.” Chan darted off back up the stairs to grab his things from his dresser, stuffing them in his pockets and letting his keys hang from his fingers. “Are we taking your car or mine?” Chan called out as he paced down the stairs, grabbing his leather jacket off of the railing at the bottom of the stairwell and slipping it over his shoulders, knowing that since it was the middle of September, things would get chilly really quickly. Felix just stared at him in slight awe. “Felix?”

“Oh! Sorry!” Felix flushed. “We can take yours. But if you want me to drive I can,” Felix offered, but Chan just waved him off.

“It’s fine,” Chan muttered, leading Felix out of the house once all the lights were turned off, and the doors locked. Chan knew that this would be a rough day when even the short trip down to the barn where he parked his truck felt agonizingly long.

“Why do I feel like you’re about to shoot me like a dog?” Felix snickered when Chan lead him behind the barn that overlooked fields and fields and fields of the crop that belonged to the neighbors, the Hutchinsons if Chan remembered correctly (of course he remembered correctly, their children were demons and always got into his shit)

“Karma for waking me up before 9,” Chan grumbled, but tugged out his keys and unlocked the old red pickup truck with only one row of seats and a bumpy, thin steering wheel one only sees in very old cars. Felix’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, but Chan didn’t miss the smug expression the younger wore as the truck engine roared to life. “Buckle up or else I’m not responsible for any sort of damage that might be caused,” Chan warned.

“Chill out, old man,” Felix huffed, buckling himself up, rolling the window down, and leaning back to enjoy the breeze as Chan began his trackback to the city. Chan played quiet music, artists like Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers, but the last thing he expected was to be thrown into a car with a beautiful man leaning back in the truck seat listening and singing along to “Cold Arms” with the voice of an absolute angel on an overcast day where the wind was just the right temperature to feel pleasant.

It’s been a long time since Chan had felt something so pleasant, and he wishes he could experience it forever as he drove down the winding roads and admired the turning trees on the mountains that loomed over Hillreach like the all-knowing gods above.

“This is nice,” Felix hummed when the song faded out, turning his head toward Chan and offering him the softest smile he could possibly muster. It made Chan’s heart skip a beat. “I didn’t think you liked music. You just don’t seem like the type,” Felix cocked his head to the side, and was it wrong for Chan to fantasize about the idea of Felix stretching his arm along the row of the seats to curl his fingers into the curls on the back of Chan’s head and play with them?

“I love music. I know how to play quite a few instruments actually,” Chan offered, rough and gravely sure, but he didn’t sound pissed off. He sounded at peace, and that alone rubbed off on Felix.

“Really? Like what?” Felix questioned out of curiosity, keeping his volume level the same as Chan’s very quiet one as if they were scared to break the peace that finally settled between the two. Chan weighed it for a moment.

“The guitar and piano mostly, but I learned how to play the violin and cello when I was younger too. I’m not that good though.” Felix’s eyes lit up.

“You should play for me sometime.”

The truck came to a slow halt in the middle of town next to the farmers market, picking a space on the side of the road a street down to dodge the heavy traffic. “We’ll see.” The two hopped out of the car, “I hope you have cash. Not many people take a card,” Chan informed as they walked into the street holding long rows of booths selling crops, jam, and some baked goods along with kitchen utensils and a few oddballs selling jewelry as well.

“I brought both, but… is there an atm machine somewhere just in case?” Felix squeaked, cheeks flushed in slight embarrassment. Chan stared the poor man down, more out of the need to fuck with him a little bit then to actually figure out what was going on, before Chan smirked, swiveled his body, and tilted his head in the other direction.

“Come on.” The two walked side by side over to the ATM machine by the bank on that same street and Chan leaned against the side of the large object while Felix took out some money.

“Wait what’s the area code again?” Felix giggled for the third time over again, having messed up a plethora of times by this point and Chan began to wonder if the man was doing it on purpose at this point.

“Oh my god, move over. You’re insufferable,” Chan grumbled, nudging Felix away with the side of his arm against Felix’s chest while grabbing the card out of the younger’s small porcelain-like hands. However, as Chan was in the midst of grabbing the money Felix needed, someone came up behind him and slipped a large hand onto the middle of Chan’s back. Both Felix and Chan tensed up at the sight of the same man who came to Chan a few weeks ago.

“Hello again, Chris,” The man purred, offering the mechanic a suggestive smile. “I was wondering when I’d get to see you again.”

“I suppose it would be whenever you get your fancy car fixed,” Chan grunted, taking the money out of the slot machine with a growl and clutching it tightly. “What do you want?” Chan was all bared teeth and hot eyes, vaguely resembling a wolf and it scared Felix to the slightest degree.

Sam’s fingers curled around the back of Chan’s shirt, keeping the mechanic in place even when Chan whirled around to face him head-on. “I had a fun time last time I saw you. We should do it again sometime.” Chan tried his best to not look toward Felix, scared to see his expression. So, Chan put on a sickeningly sweet smile, leaned in real close, and-

“I didn’t have a good time myself, thanks. So perhaps not.” Chan watched anger and sadness wash over Sam’s face with a certain satisfaction dripping from Chan’s very pores. Sam huffed, walked away, and stuck up his middle finger in Chan’s direction, but the mechanic had already turned to walk in another direction. “Fucking dickwad. So not cool,” Chan kept grumbling under his breath, walking toward the end of the street on the sidewalk so he could make his way back up. It was only when Chan handed Felix his money that he realized how eerily quiet Felix was and the distraught expression he wore. “Felix?”

Felix snapped out of his thoughts and looked toward Chan, his upset expression changing to one of joy and content as if he had been feeling that the entire time. Chan wondered what other feelings Felix covered up so well. “What’s up?”

Chan didn’t say anything, just handed Felix the money gingerly while studying the younger’s expression. Chan knew he didn’t have to explain himself, the two weren’t together so Chan didn’t need to explain himself, not in the slightest, but Chan felt like if he didn’t, there might not be a chance for him in the future…

Maybe it was for the best that he didn’t say anything…

_ Fuck that. _

Chan sighed deeply, grabbing Felix by the bicep a few seconds later, and tugging him back so the two stood in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at each other. “We didn’t fuck.” Felix just looked at him in confusion, “Sam and I. The guy from before.” Realization dawned on Felix, and the newcomer flushed deeply when he realized additionally that Chan could read him like an open book. “He tried to. He tried to suck me off after I fixed his car but it was the worst blowjob I’ve ever had in my life, I swear to god,” Chan laughed quietly, voice low and their faces close together so no one heard Chan saying this. No one could know about this.

Felix offered Chan a real smile this time, small but genuine, and Chan felt better when Felix looked him straight in the eye. However, his heart raced so quickly that he was unsure how Chan didn’t go into cardiac arrest when Felix reached up and patted Chan’s cheek twice, lingering for the smallest of moments afterward. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, but it’s nice to know that you feel like you have to with me,” Felix murmured before dropping his hand and continuing to walk down the sidewalk.

It took Chan a second to get his body functioning again, but he managed to follow Felix and catch up so they were walking side by side. Chan thinks that if maybe this town was a little different, that if maybe he wasn’t surrounded by homophobic people all day long, he would have developed the courage to hold Felix’s hand and treat this as more of a date than a forced outing, but that wasn’t the case at all and Chan needed to be careful. With that thought in mind, Chan stepped a little farther away and kept his hands stuffed firmly in the pockets of his jacket and looked anywhere except Felix’s awestruck face when Felix’s eyes landed on some of the cool, unique items the farmers market offered.

The two walked around for two hours, bags full of food in their hands and the tiniest of smiles on their faces as they exchanged conversation back and forth. The sight of Chan laughing and smiling made just about everyone in town who’s known him since Chan was a baby frightened because not once has Chan showed happiness so…  _ openly _ . Nothing too significant happened as they walked around and tried food other than the fact that the two looked unnecessarily domestic and coupley as they argued over what the right way was to grill a pepper or what makes soup ‘soup’ while looking at each other like they hang the stars in the sky.

It wasn’t exactly deemed normal for them, but it felt unbearably natural all the same.

No, the only significant thing that happened later that day was when Chan and Felix arrived back at Chan’s house and hopped out of the car to place the bags of food in Felix’s car before parting ways. “That was nice. Thank you for letting me drag you out of the house and coming with me,” Felix hushed, plump lips stretching over his face and Chan resisted the urge to push Felix against the side of the car and kiss him until their lips were bruised.

“I’m not going to say thank you for dragging me out of bed because I still wish I could have gotten an hour or two of more sleep,” Chan grunted, watching the way Felix’s expression faltered for a moment, “But…” He watched it filled with hope again too, “It wasn’t all that bad,” Chan shrugged nonchalantly. Felix giggled cutely and poked Chan’s chest with a smug smirk.

“You liked it, don’t lie to me,” Felix nagged, continuously poking Chan’s chest lightly enough to annoy but not to cause pain. “Come on! Say it!” Felix tried again, resorting to pokes elsewhere such as Chan’s tummy and sides. It was only when Felix jabbed him right in the ribs that Chan let out an inhuman yelp mixed with an uncontrollable train of giggles that Felix finally got somewhere, and the two stopped in shock once it happened. “Did you just  _ giggle _ ?” Felix questioned, lunging his neck outward playfully.

“No!” Chan practically screeched, backing away in fear when Felix began to approach him with careful steps and outstretched hands. “I didn’t!”

“Chris…. Are you perhaps…. Ticklish?” Felix smirked to himself when Chan’s hands immediately flew up to cover his ribs.

“Even if I was, it has nothing to do with you.” Chan glared harshly in Felix’s direction, but that didn’t derail Felix from his newfound motive. Felix’s movements were way too quick for Chan to register, and the next thing he knows, tiny fingers are dancing up and down Chan’s sides and the elder is trying his best to getaway. “Stop! Stop!” Chan cried out in despair, shoving Felix away.

“Tell me you enjoyed our time together!” Felix screeched chasing after Chan as the elder managed to get out from under Felix’s grip and circle around the barn once before darting up the hill toward his house as he dug out his keys. However, Chan wasn’t quick enough to get his keys out, unlock the door, and shut it and lock it behind him before Felix could get in, so the younger male ended up worming his way through the front door like a cat and shoved Chan down onto the couch to pounce on him. Chan was nothing but laughter, squealing pleas for Felix to stop, and smiles that made Felix’s heart skip a beat. “Say it!” Felix boomed playfully over Chan, giving the elder a second to breathe.

Chan continued giggling, covering his face with his hands to muffle them and hide the smile on his face. However, with the most endeared smile Felix could muster, he hooked his fingers around Chan’s wrists to pull his hands away, Chan’s hands curled into fists but that same smile never once faded from its bright peak. “No,” Chan grunted defiantly.

Felix sighed, tutted, and shook his head, “Wrong answer.”

This went on for what felt like ages, but eventually, Chan gave in. “Okay! Okay! I had a good time!” Chan cried out, chest and arms aching from all the laughing and battle of limbs. Felix stopped tickling Chan’s ribs with a grin and fist bump of triumph. However, when the two locked eyes, they realized their predicament. Felix was just… so fucking close,  _ and on top of Chan no less _ .

Chan’s hands moved on their own, sliding up and resting on the small of Felix’s back as the younger leaned down, a look in his eyes Chan didn’t recognize. Or at least he refused to acknowledge what it actually represented. Felix’s own hands found refuge on the sides of Chan’s neck, leaning down so close their noses were just barely brushing. It was obvious they both wanted to say something, anything at that moment but didn’t out of fear of breaking the small spell they found themselves intertwined with as a vine leeches onto a white picket fence.

Nonetheless, their eyes fluttered shut, and with a millisecond more, they’d definitely be kissing, but a crack of thunder outside knocked them straight out of their spell before their lips touched and Felix dropped his head between Chan’s cheek and the couch cushion with a heavy sigh. “Felix…” Chan trailed off wearily, but Felix just shook his head, turned, and placed a gentle kiss to the apple of Chan’s cheek, before climbing off of him and helping the elder sit up.

“I should go,” Felix uttered, “before the rain.” The disappointment they both felt floated in the air, and Chan debated saying fuck it and just kissing Felix right then and there, but he refrained.

Instead, “Okay.” and walked Felix to the door politely and didn’t move away from the screen door until he saw Felix get in his car, drive up the hill, hop back out with arms full of groceries and escape back into the safety of his own home when the rain began to become so thick Chan couldn’t even make out the house on top of the hill anymore.

  
  
  
  


Chan didn’t particularly enjoy birthdays. He found them pointless and honestly? Just downright degrading. After you turn 25, they stop becoming fun and now you’re stuck being seen as an old adult who’s nothing but bitter and crummy. Now no one said that that wasn’t Chan already, but he didn’t enjoy being viewed that way because of his  _ age _ rather than his actual personality.

Now, he was turning 27, and the only thing keeping him from just getting drunk off his ass before noon was the special lunch the small diner always gave him, even if he wasn’t 6 anymore. “Afternoon,” Chan nodded in the restaurant owner’s direction when he stepped through, wallet and phone heavy in his pockets as he made his way toward the farthest away booth that still rested beside the bar he always took every time he came in.

It wasn’t long until the man set a steak in front of him with potato salad, baked beans, and Mac and cheese piled onto one large plate on the table in front of him with a birthday cake milkshake and a refillable glass of water to wash it all down. “Happy birthday, Chris,” the man uttered quietly before stalking off back behind the counter and leaving Chan to a feast by himself. Chan grinned to himself internally when he noticed that the owner began to play Chan’s favorite song.

Everything was going relatively well too. Chan woke up at 11:30, made a nice breakfast that he shared with Mars, and watched a movie before coming down to the market to buy a few things and then order lunch. Everything was going too well, and Chan didn’t have to look at the door to know who walked in for a chill to rush up his spine. “Afternoon, Mr. Siltch,” Felix’s beaming voice bounced off the walls of the diner, disturbing just about everyone in the restaurant at the time.

Mr. Siltch didn’t even look at him, just continued flipping burgers and focusing on the onions he was grilling at the same time, but Felix didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he immediately laid his eyes on Chan who caught his stare with wide, caught in headlights kind of eyes. No words were said, but the next few events were rather…  _ amusing _ .

As Felix began to approach the table, Chan grabbed his plate with both hands and slid out of the booth to speed walk over to the entrance that leads behind the main counter and into the kitchen with the full intention of hiding out in the corner and eating his meal in peace. However, Chan didn’t move quickly enough and Felix jogged up behind him to grab his shoulders. Chan begrudgingly allowed Felix to lead him back to the booth, unknowingly melting into the warmth Felix offered. “How are we doing this fine day, Chris?” Felix hummed, offering Chan a tight-lipped smile.

Chan began to grumble incoherent words and curse words underneath his breath before and after Felix and him slid into the booth and continued eating his steak. Felix giggled cutely, so cutely in fact, that Chan stopped mid-chew in what looked like a shock to the naked eye, but was actually Chan’s way of basking in the melodic sound of it. “Could be better.” Chan bitterly remarked to Felix’s question, knowing Felix wouldn’t stop until Chan answered his question.

“Well, I’m here now so I’ll make it better.”

“That seems dubious.” Felix pouted at Chan’s retort, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing like some sort of child, but Chan didn’t mind too much. He could see in Felix’s eyes that the younger was merely teasing him. Chan deemed it nice to get some sort of reaction out of him that wasn’t just innocent, happy uncaring. Chan knew he didn’t stray far from his bitter base emotion, but Felix wasn’t much better in the long run.

“I’m going to prove you wrong, Mr. Bang,” Felix pointed his chin up in determination, a strong, stubborn gleam to his eyes. Chan simply wrapped his lips around the tip of his straw and drank his milkshake as if Felix wasn’t even there.

“You do that,” Chan uttered, took another bite of his steak, and allowed Silence to drape over them. It wasn’t a bad silence though. It was a very nice silence that didn’t require much of anything to make comfortable. Felix hummed along to the music playing while looking around the diner-like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever seen despite being in here before, and all Chan could do was observe for seconds at a time as to not get caught.

Soon, Chan was done, and the two slid out from the booth to leave, but then Felix had a thought. One that Chan really wished he hadn’t had. “Wait, Chris, don’t you need to pay?” Chan stopped in the middle of the aisle, blinked twice at Felix, and then looked to Mr. Siltch out of what looked like desperation. Mr. Siltch just huffed.

“It’s the boy’s birthday. He doesn’t need to pay,” Mr. Siltch grumbled, going back to preparing the food for a few other new customers that came in toward the last minute. Felix’s mouth fell open, surprise evident on his face. But then, in an almost terrifying way, Felix’s back straightened, his mouth went shut, and he grabbed Chan’s wrist to drag him out of the diner.

“Felix? Felix!” Chan groaned, trying to tug back on Felix’s grip but the man was too stubborn for his own good and Chan soon gave up. However, after a while, this was beginning to become frustrating due to the stomping man dragging him to god know’s where and Chan’s legs were starting to hurt. So, with one pull Chan put most of his strength into and a tight, frustrated “Felix!” Felix went twirling back into Chan’s chest, the two practically nose to nose.

The two stopped practically everything at that moment, holding their breaths and trying their best not to twitch out of fear of possibly doing something that might cause more problems than either one of them is necessarily ready for. But then, Chan was coughing and pulling away, looking away from Felix for just a few moments before looking back to him. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was your birthday,” Felix grumbled bitterly. It kind of made Chan want to laugh and cup Felix’s face to kiss the frown away because god did he sound so much like Chan at that moment.

“It’s not important,” Chan shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest like a scolded, but still defensive and stubborn child.

“Like hell, it isn’t!” Felix griped, smacking Chan in the chest. The elder grunted and swayed backward a bit, but didn’t retort physically like he would anyone else. “Birthdays are important! They should make you feel special!” Felix threw his arms around in the air as he spoke dramatically, but Chan was just a bit gobsmacked by it all. He had heard this rant said to everyone else whether it be just overhearing someone or seeing it on TV or in a movie but never had anyone implied that Chan might be something special. Everyone in town made sure to let him know he was everything but special, and if he was, it was the bad kind of special.

“It really doesn’t matter, Felix,” Chan laughed quietly, sounding more solemn than amused. However, the man jolted in mild shock when he felt a slightly smaller finger worm into Chan’s hand hanging by his side and hook around Chan’s pointer finger. Chan couldn’t help but look up at Felix in wonder.

“It does.” It was said with so much sincerity it almost made Chan sick to his stomach, and if things had been different, a kiss could have been exchanged after that. But Felix quickly dropped the serious aura around them and replaced it with a playful one. “so…” Felix stepped forward with a mischievous grin, “Where’s the nearest movie theatre?” Felix bumped their noses together and then broke contact with Chan, now stood a few feet away and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Chan’s hand and nose tingled the whole way there.

  
  


“Is there a preference for what you want to see?” Felix questioned as they stood outside the ticket booth and overlooked the titles. Chan remained silent for a moment, a little shy to pick the movie. He was scared that he might pick something boring, or just plain bad. He didn’t want Felix to think he had poor taste.

Chan just shrugged.

Felix laughed softly, “I see what you’re doing. Leaving the decision up to me? Rude.” Chan shrugged shyly, but Felix didn’t miss the mischief in Chan’s eyes. “How about “Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark?” I haven’t seen that one yet but it’s gotten good reviews,” Felix questioned, cocking his head to the side like a puppy, and Chan cooed internally.

“That’s alright with me,” Chan coughed, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to force his previous soft expression into his regular bitter one. Felix noticed his soft expression, he noticed the way it made Felix feel too, but he didn’t say anything. Felix just became a little softer and shy and Chan became awkward and a little distant. And yet, the two still walked side by side, shoulders brushing, the whole way to the movie theatre after buying tickets and food to eat.

They chose seats at the very back toward the middle much to Felix’s request. “They’re the best seats you can have!” Felix whined when Chan snorted at Felix’s enthusiasm. The elder just threw his hands up in surrender and nodded his head in understanding. Felix huffed, once, twice, and another time before Chan got tired of his unmoving so grabbed for his wrist and gently guided him toward the back seats. “If you wanted to hold my hand, Chris, you could have just asked.”

“You’re insufferable.”

Felix began cackling loudly, situating himself in the chair next to Chan once the elder sat down, and leaning over the armrest so their shoulders touched, waiting patiently for the movie to start. Chan felt like he couldn’t breathe with Felix this close. All he could smell was the mint in Felix’s shampoo and feel the skin tingle where Felix touched him.  _ This was going to be an unbearably long day… _

Chan took an angry, aggressive bite out of his sweet-tart rope and settled down for the sake of his sanity.

  
  


The movie was pretty good actually, Chan will admit. The horror was rather nice so he’d give them that, but he was far too focused on Felix the entire time to really watch the movie. Felix wouldn’t stop  _ touching _ him. Felix didn’t move their shoulders once throughout the entire movie, and at one point he crept his hand over and laid it down onto of Chan’s own one resting on his thigh, nudging his fingers in-between Chan’s but never fully intertwining them. Chan tried his best not to think about it too much, but he didn’t exactly do anything to pull away from it either.

Even as they walked out of the theatre long after the credits rolled and content little smiles on their faces, the places where Felix touched Chan burned more than the sun did on the hottest of days. “That was a good movie, I’ll admit,” Felix exclaimed with an almost joyous tone laced with mischievous candy rope with a secret sour substance inside placed there for a right shock.

“Hm? Was it? I couldn’t tell because you were in my line of view the whole time,” Chan attempted to tease - or flirt if one looked into it a little further - but it backfired on him.

“You can’t blame me for your desire to look at me all the time unless you have a malfunction in your neck that forces you to look left for hours at a time,” Felix cackled, and it only deepened when Chan slammed their shoulders together with a huff. “It’s alright, Chris. I know I’m irresistible.” Chan’s not sure how true Felix realized that statement was, but he didn’t say anything about it. He didn’t want to possibly admit to Felix that Chan  _ did _ find him rather irresistible.

When they stepped outside, the sun was beginning to set, and when Chan turned to Felix to see his reaction to the breath-taking view, the younger simply wore a Cheshire Cat-like smile and the horror began to set in. “Oh god…” Chan muttered under his breath.

“The sun is going down… you know what that means?” Felix smirked. Chan winced. He knew  _ exactly _ what that meant. “C’mon, Chris, don’t disappoint here. Don’t prove yourself as an idiot,” Felix pleaded, taking his bottom lip between his perfect teeth - christ, Chris - in anticipation.

Chan huffed, crossed his arms over his chest, and began to tap his foot impatiently against the ground before muttering a quiet “Alcohol…” Felix cheered loudly.

“That’s right! And I have a shit ton of it, so let’s go to my place,” Felix winked, taking Chan by the wrist and dragging them over to the diner where their cars were parked out front. “Race you there?” Felix called out through the open window. Chan looked at him dubiously.

“Felix, no-“

But Chan only heard the sound of an engine roaring to life and the sound of tires screeching before Felix was off down the road.

Chan just squinted his eyes, turned his car on, and uttered, “game on.”

The pros of being a native are knowing your way around town, and the only reason Chan made it to the end of Felix’s driveway fifteen seconds before Felix did was that Felix was at a slight disadvantage.

Only slight.

“How the fuck did you get here before me?” Felix screeched when he hopped out of the car and saw Chan leaning against his truck, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. Chan simply shrugged and Felix punched him in the shoulder.

“Hey now, there’s no need to be a sore loser!” Chan cackled as he followed a pouting Felix into the very large house. Chan was far too giddy at the moment, and it shined brightly when Mars came bounding up to the elder and Chan greeted him in excitement. “Hey, buddy! How are we doing, hm?” Chan questioned with soft enthusiasm as he ruffled the fur on the top of Mars’s head, played with his ears, and rubbed the sides of his tummy. Mars was more than happy to receive all the attention.

“However cute this is, I need to know what kind of drink you want,” Felix called out from the kitchen, peering into the hallway and watching the site in fondness. Chan pulled himself back up onto his feet, knees slightly aching from all the movement - god he was old - and thought for a second.

“You have any tequila? I feel like getting smashed,” Chan questioned, a little fearful of the smile Felix wore.

“A man of taste… I like it. I’ll be back.”

And it wasn’t long before they started getting tipsy as Felix just simply rolled in a fancy gold and glass cart of alcohol into the living room and began to play the old music Chan had a certain love for once Mars had been fed, let out, and sent off to bed upstairs. Chan couldn’t help but coo and giggle giddily when “Someone to Watch Over Me” by Ella Fitzgerald came on and Felix began to hum along to it.

“Dance with me, Chris!” Felix whined, pulling Chan up onto his feet and forcing them chest to chest. Chan’s heartbeat at an unhealthy rate when Felix circled his arms around Chan’s neck and swayed them from side to side with the brightest smile Chan had ever seen. “You’re so awkward,” Felix giggled when he saw that the elder didn’t quite know where to put his hands.

“Don’t want to overstep any boundaries, ’s all,” Chan slurred a bit, muttering underneath his breath and looking away shyly. Felix giggled softly, bumped their noses together for the briefest of moments.

With a deep inhale through his nose, Felix took Chan’s arms from the elder’s sides and slipped one around Felix’s waist before Felix draped one of his own arms back around Chan’s neck and pressing their foreheads together as their hands intertwined and hung out in the air, eyes fluttering closed. Each movement was slow and pleasant, like a cat stretching after being woken up, but this was also rather sensual as they swayed back and forth. “Is this okay?” Felix whispered quietly, not daring to open his eyes.

Chan didn’t answer with words. Instead, he wrapped his arm a little tighter around Felix’s waist and focused on swaying to the very slow and soft beat of the song while simultaneously spinning around in circles. A small giggle escaped the younger when Chan dipped him or twirled him around.

However, Felix gasped faintly when Chan boldly shifted his head and nuzzled his nose into the side of Felix’s face before placing a kiss on his cheek. Chan wasn’t romantic despite how much he dreamed of being so, but with Felix it was different. Sure, his movements were awkward and maybe a little forward, but Felix didn’t mind. He didn’t make any movement to leave, but instead, he melted right into the elder’s touches.

“For a man who everyone claims is a little rough around the edges and isn’t very friendly, you sure are quite the toucher,” Felix teased when Chan ran his hands up and down Felix’s back as they continued to sway to the beat, fisting the fabric lightly or digging his fingertips into Felix’s spine. Chan’s lips brushing along Felix’s cheek and jaw as well which only added to Felix’s very true claim. However, Chan pouted at that, going to pull away because he thought Felix was complaining about it but the younger just huffed and pulled him back in, tucking Chan’s face into the crook of Felix’s neck and tangling his fingers in Chan’s hair. “I never said I didn’t like it,” Felix purred.

If Chan had been a little sober, he definitely would have at least thought about what he was doing before diving in and feather kisses along Felix’s throat, but Chan had no time for thinking. Thinking meant delays and Chan finally had his hands on Felix and he sure as hell didn’t want to let go. Those soft kisses continued all the way around Felix’s throat, Chan leaving them everywhere he could reach as his curly hair tickled the lower half of Felix’s face.

Eventually, though, Chan came back up and Felix nuzzled their noses together. “I feel as though I should repay you for all those kisses you gave me,” Felix uttered quietly, but Chan just hummed absentmindedly.

“In a little while. Let’s just dance for a few more songs…” Chan whispered, flickering open his eyes to meet Felix’s oh so soft gaze. It made Chan’s stomach do a flip.

“Okay,” Felix whispered, and let their foreheads fall together as they swayed to the music, already beginning to sober up a little bit. But then, Chan was turning between songs to grab more alcohol, and Felix couldn’t help but follow through. The two took a few more shots before meeting again, more giggly this time and far too playful if Felix stuffing his hands into the back pockets of Chan’s pants and squeezing his ass said anything at all.

“Aye! Keep em to yourself!” Chan slurred, taking Felix’s wrists into his hands and bringing them up front but Chan didn’t drop them, no. Instead, he brought them up to his face and made Felix’s smaller hands cup his cheeks. “Cup my face instead,” Chan giggled, Felix’s own giggles mixing in with Chan’s beautifully.

“You’re such a baby when you’re drunk,” Felix teased, but his words came out a bit jumbled and he stuttered a bit due to his giggles and the alcohol in his system. “You’re a little cutie,” Felix pinched Chan’s cheeks but the elder whined and placed his hands back on top of Felix’s to force them flat back on Chan’s cheeks. Felix moved them the slightest bit to rub soft circles with his thumbs into the places where Felix pinched previously to soothe the dull ache.

But then something clicked in their heads and they both froze. “Felix?” Chan whispered, eyes locked with the younger’s.

“Yes, Chris?” Felix hushed, not going any higher in volume than Chan had.

“Can I try something?” Felix’s bottom lip was trapped between his teeth at this point, looking both giddy and nervous. It made Chan feel the same way.

“Please,” Felix pleaded.

The next thing Chan knew was that he felt like he was on cloud 9 with his lips interlocked with Felix’s plush ones. Of course, the kiss was sloppy and a bit too slobbery due to the alcohol, but neither one minded. Their drunken minds and hearts raced at the idea that they were finally fucking kissing each other after weeks of this weird tension between them.

But when it got a little hotter, Felix backed them onto the couch and shoved Chan down only to climb on top of him. “It’s later now, Chris,” Felix grunted, mouthing along his jaw.

“God,” Chan choked out, his eyes were glassy and his lips were swollen with spit coating the slightly darker tint to his lips. Felix pulled away in a hurry after that, looking down at the man who looked ready to cry at any moment. Chan was almost a little too overwhelmed by everything going on, and the drunken version of him didn’t exactly understand how to deal with it.

“Are you okay?” Felix questioned softly, cupping Chan’s face and staring down at him in concern. Chan hiccuped, sniffled, and then tugged Felix’s body down into his own and held him there close, nose tucked away in Felix’s shoulder. “Oh…” Felix understood now, so just held Chan until all they could see was black with the faintest of music playing in the background.

That music would stop after a while, Chan came to realize when he woke up on Felix’s couch with the younger tucked between him and the cushions and a raging headache. Chan groaned softly and sat up, holding his head in his hands as all the memories began to rush back.

_ Fuck _ .

_ They almost fucked. _

_ They fucking cuddled and made out last night. _

Chan gulped and looked back toward Felix, seeing the younger’s neck craned in an uncomfortable position to reach the pillow and guilt began to go off in Chan for making the younger sleep with him on the couch.

So, Chan sucked it up, got off of the couch, and leaned over to hook his arms underneath Felix’s back and knees. The younger rustled a bit with a grunt but didn’t wake up fully much to Chan’s relief. The man, while a bit unstable, carried Felix up the stairs and into what he hoped was the man’s bedroom before setting him carefully down underneath the covers and pulling them up to his chin. Chan cooed softly at the sight of Felix, moving away with a hand stroking down the side of Felix’s face. “Chris?”

Chan paused for a moment. “Go back to sleep, Lix,” Chan whispered, tucking Felix in a little more. Felix grumbled and shifted, eyes squinting open sleepily.

“Please stay,” Felix pleaded softly, voice croaky and too deep for Chan’s sanity. Chan hummed in displeasure, grooming Felix the slightest bit by picking stray dog hairs off of his comforter.

“I can’t. I have a car shop to run,” Chan hushed. “Now get some rest, okay?”

“Okay.” Chan left Felix with a glass of water and a few pain killers on the table next to Felix and the softest kiss to Felix’s forehead.

It almost pained Chan to do that when he knew he’d be too awkward to look Felix in the eye for the next few weeks.

  
  
  
  


It took exactly two and a half weeks of ignored texts and calls and dodging in public for Felix to come confronting Chan in a rather angry manner. Chan couldn’t exactly dodge him again either because it was toward the end of the day and Chan didn’t have any more cars to work on. So, when Chan saw Felix rolling down the hill with his motorcycle, Chan’s heart dropped to his stomach and all the memories came rushing back in the worst way possible. The guilt swirling in his chest only got worse when he saw Felix hop and tear his helmet off, and look at Chan with this apathetic expression but disappointment, sadness, and anger in his eyes.

“Evening,” Felix gruffed out, voice low and seemingly unforgiving. Chan began to nibble on his lower lip, the skin turning so plump it looked ready to burst at any moment like a hot cherry in the sun. Chan coughed once, twice, and a third in anticipation for Felix to explain why he was there, but the man just stood there, arms crossed over his chest and a stone-cold expression. It was obvious Felix didn’t plan on speaking until Chan acknowledged him.

“Eve-“ Chan started, but stopped abruptly when his voice cracked like a teenager going through puberty and cleared his throat before trying again “Evening, Felix.” Chan didn’t like that he could see Felix soften for the slightest moment at the sound of his own name before it all dropped back into a glare. Chan diverted his eyes downward to his shoes as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “What can I do for you?”

“Not much.” Chan gulped, the urge to cry swelling in his chest and ready to come up his throat and spill out onto the floor. “You work on motorcycles, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Chan croaked. “What’s wrong with it?”

“My clutch wire and the chains on the rear need to be replaced,” Felix muttered. Chan waited for a moment, waiting for the explanation Felix always, always,  _ always _ gave him when the two were talking. No matter what they were talking about at any given time, Felix had an explanation, so hearing him be so short with Chan…

Chan couldn’t say he didn’t deserve that treatment after what he did though. “Okay. I’ll see what I have,” Chan uttered and moved to take the bike into the barn. He Half expected Felix to go back to his house so he didn’t have to see Chan or talk to him, but the younger seemed to notice how torturous all of this one for Chan so stuck around and sat in the plastic chair Chan kept around for any visitor or just a break for him.

So, Chan sat in the middle of the barn working on the motorcycle that belonged to the same man sitting in the chair and staring Chan down because Chan fucked up and treated Felix like shit. Felix’s beady little gaze only seemed to prolong the process of fixing his motorcycle because Chan couldn’t seem to focus one bit and kept dropping parts, his tools, and injuring himself by accident.

Eventually, though, Chan managed to replace both parts Felix wanted him to and got up off of the ground with a grunt and a slight jump to jolt his limbs back into movement. Felix watched his every move, he watched Chan go over to his table and wipe his hands, he watched Chan pick up his pen and receipt pad to begin writing down prices, and he watched Chan come over holding the piece of paper to his upper stomach rather shyly. “Uh, here’s what you owe.”

Felix took the paper from Chan’s fingers calmly, too calmly for Chan’s liking and pulled out his card, and handed It back to Chan. The payment took place and then they were parting ways, Chan pulling Felix’s bike out for him and watching Felix walk over. He watched him grab the helmet and almost slip it over his head before he finally opened his mouth and spoke his mind.

Chan realized that he couldn’t let Felix just walk away, because this would probably be the last chance if Chan ever wished to reconcile what they had.

“I’m scared,” Chan practically exclaimed when Felix turned to walk away. The younger halted in his movements, turning back to Chan in confusion before recognition flickered in his eyes and his expression softened considerably. Chan glanced down at his hands, picking at the oil underneath his nails nervously, “You don’t understand what it’s like here. They kill people like us, Felix… If anyone ever found out…” Chan took in a deep breath, sniffling once. “I’ve not felt like this in a long time and I don’t think I could handle you possibly getting hurt.”

Chan was more scared than he really let on, but Felix could sense it. Chan saw Felix’s boots and heard him walking over the gravel dirt before he saw Felix’s hands slip into his own and rub them gently. “I understand, Chris,” Felix hushed, earning the elder’s gaze. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you should have talked to me. You shouldn’t have ignored me and shoved me to the side. It made me feel really shitty, Chris,” Felix spoke seriously, searching Chan’s face for any sort of reaction. It seemed he got what he was looking for when Chan croaked out an apology and glanced downward.

“That was a really shitty move of me, I know. I’m so sorry, Lix.”

“As long as you don’t do it again and know that it wasn’t okay, everything is just fine between us.”

“I won’t. I’ll try my best to not be that stupid again.” A comfortable silence draped over them when Felix pulled him in and leaned their foreheads together, allowing their eyes to flutter shut and breathe at the same pace as one another. Chan felt the strongest he had in a while when Felix reached up to place his tiny hands-on Chan’s chest and feel for his heartbeat.

“Your heart is beating so fast,” Felix laughed playfully, voice deep and so low it practically rumbled Chan’s ribs.

“Hush,” Chan scolded, but his smile was far too soft and fond for Felix to think he was being anything other than what his smile told. “You have that effect on me,” Chan winked, moving forward to kiss Felix’s nose softly. Felix grinned from ear to ear before it dissolved into a smirk.

“What else can I do?” Felix purred, grabbing Chan’s collar gently and smoothing it out before trailing them up the span of Chan’s throat. Chan matched his smirk, eyes glimmering with the same feeling Felix felt: lust, as cliche as it might sound.

“A lot of things if you put your mind to it…” Chan croaked, attempting to sound alluring but ended up sounding a bit awkward instead. Felix laughed quietly at Chan’s awkwardness and the way the elder practically melted when Felix’s lips met his own oh so softly. It was only a quick peck though, something to tease Chan a bit before Felix got that mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Race you to the house,” Felix winked, slapped Chan’s ass, and then took off running up the hill. The thing Felix didn’t know about Chan though was that the elder man could run as fast as a bullet in high school, and not much has changed since then. So, Felix did a double-take when Chan bolted past him and reached the front door before Felix could even hit the bottom step of the porch. “What the fuck? Who the fuck are you? Who-“

Chan ignored him as he unlocked the door, grabbing Felix by the collar and tugging him forward. “Shut up and get in my bed before you give me balls bluer than the ocean,” Chan breathed out, glancing Felix up and down but not moving him because he wanted Felix to confirm that yes, this was what they both wanted.

“You got it, handsome,” Felix winked, connecting their lips together before Chan dragged them both in the house, the front door slamming shut as multiple giggles and squeals bounced off the walls.

  
  
  
  


With the moon high in the sky and soft music playing from the speakers on Chan’s dresser, the car mechanic enjoyed his night to the fullest extent. Especially since Felix now rested his cheek against Chan’s chest, still damp hair sprawling out on Chan’s shoulder from the shower they took about an hour ago, and the younger’s finger tracing soft circles over Chan’s stomach and ribs absent-mindedly.

It was probably well into the early morning if Chan were a betting person because they went far too long before their bodies gave out and Chan and Felix needed a break. So, now they cuddled together, freshly showered with Chan in a pair of sweatpants and Felix in one of Chan’s shirts and a pair of oversized boxers. Chan couldn’t help but hum along to the music and run his fingers through Felix’s hair to soothe himself.

Felix began giggling uncontrollably when Chan began to rub circles into Felix’s calf with the front of his toes and foot. “Tickle?” Chan croaked, barely having the energy to form full, coherent sentences. Felix whined lowly and nodded his head. However, he soon learned that that was a mistake at its finest because Chan only made his touches lighter and far more torturous.

The younger let out a loud yelp and kicked Chan’s leg away, squirming until he was out of Chan’s grip and sitting up to glare at the elder. “You’re mean,” Felix pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and watching Chan laugh and run a hand through his soft bouncy curls smushed into the pillow.

“I know, love. Now come back,” Chan coaxed, holding his arms out and smiling a rather dopey grin, but Felix just huffed and glared Chan down just a bit more. “Come on, Lix,” Chan tried again but Felix remained unmoving. Chan was too lazy to sit up if he were honest, so he grunted, threw his body into a crescent moon position, and then shimmied his head onto Felix’s lap with the rest of his body in a fetus position.

It only took a few seconds for Felix to give in and allowed one hand to come down and comb through Chan’s curls to feel the softness of them while the other hand propped up his chin and caused his lips to pout and cheek to expand. Chan practically purred when that same hand traveled down his bare back and rubbed soft, heated circles into his cold skin.

Silence draped over them comfortably, but it was only a matter of time before Felix began talking again.

“I want to try this, Chris. I want to try us,” Felix uttered softly, earning a head turn from Chan so the elder could stare up at Felix in astonishment. “I can take care of myself, you know? I was raised to take care of myself so I could actually live on my own. It’s how charters are, and no homophobic white people are going to take you or that away from me,” Felix swore, but Chan couldn’t help but laugh at that last line. “You mean so much to me, Chan. I don’t want to lose you too.”

Chan sucked in a harsh breath, eyes wavering back and forth while searching Felix’s eyes for any ounce of lie or second thoughts. When he didn’t find anything, he let out a slow breath and began to play with his hands nervously. “We can’t be public about it.”

“I know,” Felix hummed.

“I’ll probably still be relatively cold to you in public, but please don’t take it personally.”

“I know, Chris,” Felix chimed again.

“It doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of you or anything. I just don’t want our relationship to be taxing because of shitty people.”

“ _ I know, Chris, _ “ Felix emphasized, covering Chan’s mouth. “Now hush.”

Chan slowly sat up, letting the sheet fall to his lap and all his weight shift to one arm so he could reach up and stroke along Felix’s cheek and overall the constellations embedded into his skin there.  _ god, he was so beautiful. _ “You’re so strong… I thought I was strong but here you are, proving me wrong in almost every aspect.”

Felix grinned and cupped Chan’s cheeks to kiss him softly. “You’re  _ my _ big strong man, that’ll never change,” Felix hushed. Chan’s eyes fluttered open, suddenly glassy.

“Yours?” He breathed out, eyes twinkling with mischief and the widest smile he’s worn in so fucking long. It nearly took Felix’s breath away.

The younger hummed and nuzzled their noses together before connecting their lips softly “Each other’s.”

It made their hearts pound, no matter how cheesy it was.

  
  
  


Chan’s learned over the next few weeks that no matter where he sleeps, he sleeps the absolute best if Felix is there along with him. He could fall asleep on the couch, on the bench outside swaddled in blankets and thick clothing, and his own bed with ease and stay asleep as long as Felix was simply breathing next to him. Of course, Chan saw the most amount of sleep when he woke up to Felix either clinging to him or curled up on top of him, but beggars can’t be choosers and he’s more than happy to just simply sleep in the same bed as him.

Some mornings, Chan woke up first, and others Felix did. When Chan woke up first, he’d get up and fix breakfast for the two of them because Felix was never that far behind. If Felix woke up first, he’d simply sit up and read in bed while Chan slept because Chan was always a little slower in waking up the other way around.

And then there were those rare mornings. The ones where they woke up roughly at the same time and grinned a little dopily at one another as they began to croak and speak quietly underneath the covers and close together to preserve as much heat as possible. Those mornings were always nice because they would eventually get up and make breakfast together. Though, most of the time it ended with Felix sitting upon the counter reading his book while Chan cooked quietly, music gliding throughout the room and touching both of them softly, gently, and all too familiar.

It took some time before they got domestic like that though. Chan remembers the first night Felix slept over at Chan’s house, two weeks after they made themselves official and it was purely by accident as they fell asleep on the couch watching a movie like Chan had done at Felix’s house that one night they got drunk and made out.

Not a lot changed realistically, but Chan didn’t mind. It was nice to have company, and, more times than not, be able to touch someone in the way he’s wanted to for oh so long.

With a month and a half under their belt of being together, they could say that despite how short the time has been, they know each other pretty damn well. “Chris!” Felix called out from the other side of the house, tumbling down the stairs of the large near-mansion with a dog behind him. Chan stopped his unpacking for a second, sat in the living room of Felix’s home unpacking his new shipment of car parts to organize them accordingly.

“Yes…?” Chan acknowledged his boyfriend wearily, not liking the distress in Felix’s voice. Felix came barreling into the living room not long after, Chan looking up at him to study the concern in Felix’s eyes and the stress-induced frazzled hair, prominent dark circles, and gray hairs beginning to practically sprout on the top of his head.

“Have you seen my laptop? I’ve looked everywhere,” Felix whined loudly, lips pouted. Chan laughed quietly and offered the younger a small smile before answering him.

“It’s in the kitchen. You left it on top of the microwave last night.” Chan always found it amusing that Felix really struggled to find his things. Felix always acted so well put together but he could barely keep up with the most valuable items he owned. Felix sucked in a deep breath, swiveled around on his feet, and went into the kitchen, and Chan could hear his sigh of relief when he found it.

“You’re a saint!” Felix yelled out from the hallway, barreling back into the living room and circling Chan to lean down and place a fat, sloppy kiss on the elder’s cheek.

“I know,” Chan uttered smugly, patting the side of Felix’s face and leaning into the prolonged kiss. Felix let go with a smack of his lips and darted back out and up the stairs into his study muttering about  _ deadlines, too many deadlines _ and Chan let him be.

Chan continued to unpack his things, and organize them all through and through until the sun began to set and all of his new car parts were in their designated boxes. Chan paced back and forth from the living room to his truck with boxes in his hands until all of them were gone from the middle of the living room and Chan was sweating just a little. Now, he had to decide if he wanted to go home or if he wanted to stay here with Felix.

Chan should probably go home… He’s spent an awful lot of time with Felix and he doesn’t want Felix to get tired of him so soon. So, Chan trailed up the stairs and knocked lightly on Felix’s study door to gather his attention. Felix just kept on typing, his back to Chan, back hunched, and attention way too immersed in his writing. This happened so many times Chan couldn’t count it on both of his hands two times. “Lix.”

Nope. Still nothing. Chan chuckled breathily and approached Felix from behind, slipping his arms around Felix’s neck and resting his chin on top of Felix’s head, the younger jumping a bit at the sudden contact. “Jesus Christ,” Felix breathed out, rubbing at his swollen eyes with the heels of his palms. Chan tilted his head downward and placed a light kiss against the top of Felix’s head. “You heading home?”

“Yeah. I need to get these boxes put away and my house is in desperate need of a pickup,” Chan uttered, rubbing up and down the middle of Felix’s chest, his collar bones, and the upper half of his tummy. “Promise me you’ll take a food break soon?” Felix sighed heavily and nodded. “Good boy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Felix breathed as if he were annoyed, but he leaned back into his chair and let his head roll back onto Chan’s chest as he held the arms crossed over his chest. “Do you have to go?”

Chan felt his heart drop into his stomach for a moment before he laughed quietly, turning Felix’s chair around so they were facing each other and kneeled down between the younger’s legs, circling his arms around Felix’s waist. “Unfortunately.” Felix felt all warm and fuzzy when Chan buried his forehead into Felix’s stomach, and the younger immediately took the initiative to run his fingers through Chan’s hair. The position was a little weird, yes, and definitely unnecessary but it felt nice, it felt a little bit like  _ home _ .

“Okay… goodnight then, Chris,” Felix hushed, watching Chan stand up with the most tender of smiles before Chris bent at the waist and leaned over, hand keeping himself upright on the desk behind Felix. “Mm, do I get my kiss for the day?” Felix teased when Chan nuzzled their noses together for a few seconds.

“Of course.” Chan connected their lips sweetly, melting into the hand blanketed over his cheek and trying his best to not let this kiss drag him into staying. Felix was less than happy when Chan pulled away. “Goodnight, Felix.”

“Bastard,” Felix grumbled under his breath as Chan walked away, pouting when Chan began to cackle the whole way back to his truck.

And yeah, Chan did everything he was supposed to that night. He put away all his boxes, deep cleaned his house, and even meal planned his lunches for the next few days. But now it was 2 in the morning and Chan couldn’t stop tossing and turning and no matter how exhausted his body felt, it itched for something.

It itched for Felix.

But Chan didn’t want to admit that to himself. At least not yet.

It scared Chan how much he’s come to rely on Felix. The younger has become something of an anchor for Chan, something to keep him grounded but then other times Felix is an airplane, guiding Chan to places he couldn’t get to on his own. Hillreach and his life before Felix came along were consistent, and Chan had a pretty good idea of what his future would end up like, but now the Felix has come around and fucked everything up… Chan isn’t so sure anymore.

Chan doesn’t know how long he stayed up thinking about Felix and the impact he had on him, so much so that Chan couldn’t even sleep alone anymore before there was a knock at the door and a ding from his phone a few seconds later. A text from Felix.

Chan raced down the stairs and opened the door, worry evident on his features at seeing Felix stood in the doorway with swollen eyes, hollow cheeks, and Mars stood beside him. “Felix? What’s wrong? It’s so late, are you okay?” Chan questioned rapidly, reaching out to inspect Felix but held himself back. Even if Chan relied heavily on Felix, he still refrained from touching sometimes out of fear of irritating the younger.

However, instead of getting a verbal answer, Felix practically fell into Chan’s chest and unintentional open arms. Chan didn’t hesitate to wrap him up in his warm, strong grip and hook his chin over Felix’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Lix?” Chan hushed into Felix’s ear, pressing a small kiss to the shell of it and feeling Felix’s grip on the back of his shirt tighten for a split second before it loosened. Felix didn’t answer. “Do you need cuddles?” Felix nodded mutely. “Do you want to sleep?” Felix nodded more sporadically this time. “Okay, come on then.” And then they were walking up the stairs hand in hand with Mars trailing behind them.

As soon as they reached Chan’s room, Felix walked over to Chan’s wardrobe and pulled out a large hoodie, and slipped it over his head. In the meantime, Chan unfolded the other side of the bed for Felix and patted the foot of the bed for Mars. When the dog jumped up, circled, and then settled, Chan buried his face into Mars’s tummy and swaddled him with love.

But then Felix was climbing into bed and Chan wasn’t too far behind him. As soon as Chan became settled on the mattress, Felix wormed over and buried his cold nose into Chan’s collar bone and threw his arm over Chan’s waist. The elder cradled Felix by the shoulder, resting the other on Felix’s lower back and rubbing his fingers into the bare skin underneath the hoodie.

It seemed they both understood that sleep didn’t come easily without one another due to the fact that they were out like a couple of lights a few minutes after settling.

  
  
  


The next morning, Chan woke up to a bright, cold room but his body sleepy and groggy and swaddled in heat. Chan breathed in deeply through his nose, kicking his feet a little bit and flinching when they knocked against something hard, a foot that wasn’t his own. Chan smiled dopily when he heard a soft “rude,” chime from next to him. With a small grunt, Chan rolled onto his right side and pried his eyes open to meet Felix’s equally as sleepy ones peering over the pillow the younger was cuddling at the time. Chan managed to keep his eyes open long enough to see Felix move the pillow out of the way so Chan could take its place before letting them flutter closed as Chan shuffled closer. “Morning, Handsome.”

Chan muttered out something along the lines of “morning” before tucking his face into Felix’s neck and twining his arms around his back to pull him so close it left absolutely no room for air between them. Felix laughed quietly, pulling the covers up so they draped across their shoulders and provided extra warmth before allowing his own arms to drape around Chan’s neck and pressed a small kiss to the top of Chan’s head.

They laid there like that for a while, Felix tugging and combing through the curls on the back of Chan’s neck as it’s developed into a full-blown habit due to Chan’s constant need for it. They didn’t have to be cuddling, but if Chan could get away with a hair comb at least once a day, he’d never ask for anything more again. “Chris~” Felix singsonged softly in Chan’s ear giggling when Chan let out a low grunt and nuzzled his nose further into Felix’s collar bone.

“What do you want?” Chan grunted, pulling his face out for a moment to look at Felix with the dar of his curls falling into his eyes and slightly blocking his view.

“Food.” Chan snorted loudly, pulled away, and sat up. Felix stayed laying down, smiling face squished against the pillow and purple hair sprawled out unevenly. While not subjectively attractive, the sight of him still made Chan’s heart race and body melt into something soft and fond.

“What do you want to eat?” Chan questioned, running his hand through his curls to tame them a little bit but to no avail. Felix hummed in thought, reaching up to help Chan tame the mess on his head, the elder leaning down so it was easier for him.

“Can you make cinnamon rolls?” Chan sputtered for a second, laughing wildly and shaking his head.

“Can I make cinnamon rolls- what kind of question-“ Chan kept sputtering and laughing the whole time he made his way out of bed. He turned the last second, bending over so his hands were sprawled back out of the mattress and they were keeping him steady as he leaned back over Felix and smirked down at him. “I’ve mastered the art of cinnamon rolls. I’m about to knock your socks off, Mr. Lee.”

Felix started giggling and didn’t stop giggling for a solid five minutes over the fact that Chan was taking cinnamon rolls so seriously but he found it oddly charming that Chan was so passionate about cooking. Felix laid there for a little while longer, long enough to get uncomfortable by the sun beaming through the window and the sweat beginning to coat his skin from all the heat. “Chris, can I take a shower?” Felix called down the stairs.

“Go ahead,” Chan called back up, way too focused on cooking to  _ really _ pay attention. Too focused in fact that he didn’t hear the click-clack of claws against the tile floor and the jingle of a collar when Mars shook the sleep out of his body. However, Chan only acknowledged the dog when his cold snout went nosing along Chan’s ankles and calves. “Jesus, Mars!” Chan cried out, “Why is your nose so cold?” And if a dog could smile, Mars definitely would smile at Chan’s mild suffering

Chan huffed once, twice, but never a third because Mars was just too cute to be angry at anymore so Chan ruffled the fur on the top of his head and then walked over to the front door to let him out so Mars can go do his thing and Chan can cook in peace.

25 minutes later, the cinnamon rolls made from complete scratch were in the oven, baking, and Chan was setting the timer on the stovetop when arms circled his bare waist and a warm, plush cheek was pressed against his shoulder blade. “Did you have a nice shower?” Chan questioned, feeling some water drip down his skin and trying not to squirm knowing Felix would use it to his advantage.

“I did,” Felix murmured, absent-mindedly tracing small circles into Chan’s tummy with his eyes drooping shut. Chan would have shaken anyone else off, he really would have knowing that they were falling asleep, but Chan didn’t do that with Felix. Chan just simply made the icing as quietly and with as minimal movement as possible to not disturb the boy clung to his back and far too gone in his dream world.

Well, at least that’s what he thought. “Hey! No!” Chan practically screeched when he saw Felix’s hand creeping over the side of the bowl to dip in and take some icing for himself. Felix whined and retracted his hand away when Chan smacked It sharply with a loud huff. “Later. Let’s get them on the rolls first you thief,” Chan scolded, ignoring Felix’s puppy dog look as he wrapped up the icing and placed it further away on the counter. “Here, help me do the dishes.” And then Felix got a mouthful of a dishtowel.

They stood there for a while, humming and singing along to the music playing softly from the speakers Chan installed about a month ago when Felix complained about how you couldn’t really hear the music playing from just his phone speakers. Occasionally they would bump hips to be obnoxious and other times they’d practically lean into each other. But since they didn’t really fuck around, the dishes were done in ten minutes and now they had 15 more to spare…

“Fuck wait, no marks!” Chan cried out.

“Is that a challenge?” Felix smirked, pulling his head away and turning to look at Chan with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Chan groaned loudly, brought something out, and then slammed it back on the counter with a steely look in his eyes. “Since you want to be a determined little shit and ruin my counters by shredding my thin cutting board, use the thick one, demon.” Felix began cackling evilly, but moved the onions and peppers over to the thicker cutting board per Chan’s request and continued to follow his instructions.

What hadn’t been mentioned before was that today was, in fact, Thanksgiving, and Felix was going back to the city tonight to eat with his family and friends but Felix wanted to make something a little more complicated and guaranteed to be good this year. So… Chan was helping him. “I’m  _ your _ little demon though,” Felix chimed sweetly.

“You’re not gonna be if you ruin my counters,” Chan grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. Felix gasped loudly, holding the knife threateningly.

“Don’t forget who has the weapon in their hand here,” Felix growled lowly, but Chan was rather unbothered by it.

Instead, Chan just grinned from ear to ear far too sweetly. “Oh well aren’t you so kind, sweetheart. Go ahead. Stab me right here. Put me out of my misery,” Chan tapped against his chest, right where his heart lied and Felix’s expression fell into a scowl. Honest to god, the  _ last _ thing Chan expected was for Felix to put down the knife, grab his face, and kiss Chan senseless.

Of course, it started off rough, a little irritated, and purposefully sloppy, but then Chan was grinning, nudging Felix’s chest and uttering out a quiet, “babe, baby, chill out,” and Felix  _ melted _ . The kisses slowed down, now soft and too sweet, and Chan smirked faintly. “You liked that, didn’t you?” Chan snickered when Felix pulled away.

“I’ll always melt in terms of endearment. I can’t help it,” Felix murmured, unbothered by Chan’s teasing. The elder nodded and hummed in acknowledgment and pressed the tiniest of kisses to Felix’s forehead.

“I feel weird when I say them, so I hope you’re okay with just ‘Lix’ or maybe ‘love’ sometimes.” If Chan could, he’d be twiddling his thumbs and looking anywhere but Felix shyly, but Felix was all up in his bubble and didn’t really let that happen.

“That’s perfectly fine with me,” Felix grinned and they slowly parted ways when the oven began to beep letting them know the cinnamon rolls were ready and yes, they did in fact theoretically knock Felix’s socks off.

  
  
  


Chan hated Christmas.

It wasn’t in the ‘Bah, humbug’ scrooge way, but in the solemn, saddened way. Chan hasn’t liked Christmas since he lost his mom and grew a significant hatred for it when his dad died as well and his younger siblings ran off and never came back home when they turned 18. Christmas was supposed to be a time you spend with your family, and Chan was painfully alone.

And that wouldn’t change this year either as Felix had already made plans to go back home and spend time with his own family. Felix tried desperately to convince Chan to come home with him and spend the holidays with Felix’s family, but it just… didn’t feel right to Chan. It didn’t feel right to spend a holiday with a family that wasn’t quite his. Chan felt like he’d only end up intruding and ruining the mood with his sadness and bitterness.

So, Chan sent Felix off Christmas Eve morning with a soft kiss and a false reassuring smile in hopes of getting the younger to stop worrying about him so much.

Now, Chan was left working on cars in the freezing snow later that day with Mrs. Kemp watching over him bundled up in layers and layers of clothes that made her look like a breathing marsh mellow. “Spending Christmas alone again this year, Christopher?”

“Yes, Mrs. Kemp,” Chan uttered, sounding more empty than he does irritated like he does any other time. The old woman frowned, not liking this demeanor Chan wore. Mrs. Kemp wasn’t even having her car worked on, so Chan wasn’t quite sure why she was here anyway and what gave her the right to even be remotely concerned about Chan’s well being.

It was silent for a moment. “I think I’d rather you spend time with the purple-haired trouble maker than by yourself for Christmas, Christopher,” She uttered and Chan huffed.

“Mrs. Kemp, he’s not a trouble maker and no offense, but you don’t necessarily hold the right to care about me,” Chan snapped, not caring if it could cost him everything snapping at the most powerful woman in this whole town. Mrs. Kemp stayed quiet, a bit speechless for a few seconds before Chan realized she was studying him now.

“I don’t appreciate being spoken to in that tone, Christopher Bang,” She scolded, chin held high and lips pursed. Chan uttered out a quiet apology but went back to work. “You know… I’ve been around a long time and met a lot of people in my time, but I think you’re the only one who’s been brave enough to not kiss my shoes and even tell me off when you feel like I’m being unreasonable.” Chan half expected her to sound angry but instead, she sounded as if there were a hint of admiration in her words.

Chan didn’t say anything.

“I have a lot of kids too, a lot of grandkids and a few great-grandkids, but I think I spend more time with you than I do with my oldest,” the woman laughed emotionlessly and Chan froze. “Sometimes I forget you’re not my own.”

Chan gripped the wrench in his hand with an iron grip and he knew that if his lip was latched between his teeth his lip would have busted from how hard he’d be bearing down on it. Chan was angry. Sure, knowing that someone out there looked at you as a family would make just about anyone feel at home, but Chan… Chan just wanted his fucking family back. “Don’t forget again.”

Chan went to bed angry that night. Angry, exhausted, and not ready for the bullshit he’d have to endure tomorrow.

“Hey, handsome.”

“Hey, Lix. How’s the city?”

“It’s how it always is… It’d be better if you were here though. Dad’s a bit disappointed he didn’t get to meet you.”

“I”m sorry, Lix…”

“Don’t apologize. I understand, love.”

“I’ll be better.”

“You don’t need to be.”

  
  


(Felix ended up coming back to Hillreach with an hour to spare before Christmas ended, telling Chan it didn’t feel right knowing Chan was spending it alone. And when they exchanged gifts and Felix gifted him a picture of them together, Chan’s lips pressed to a beaming Felix’s cheek, while the younger said “I know you probably can’t put it up on your wall, but I want the option to be there anyway,” Chan nearly cried. But he didn’t. Just showed Felix how nearly in love with him Chan was.)

  
  
  


Six months have passed now since they got together and Felix thought it was time Chan finally met the people that were really important to him.

One morning, this one in particular, Chan had the curtains to the window above the stove open to watch the gray clouds in the distance swirl and crackle and become dark and evil and oh so intimidating while a soft breeze came through and brushed through his hair as he swirled some fluffy, milky eggs around the pan as the bagels slowly cooked in the oven beneath. It was a nice morning, it was freezing cold outside due to the fact that it was now well into February but the heat was on and Chan was cozy in sweats and a soft hoodie, Mars keeping him company that morning rather than asleep in bed or off chasing squirrels outside. However, Chan was beginning to feel a bit nervous when he realized that an hour has passed and Felix still wasn’t awake.

So, he waited for about ten more minutes, food ready to go and steaming hot before he finally made the track upstairs and hovered by the open door for a moment. Felix was, in fact, awake, pacing around the room and talking softly into the phone with an excited gleam to his eyes. “Yes! I’m happy for you, when is it?” Felix spoke in a voice a little higher than a whisper, and Chan felt his heart jolt when their eyes locked and Felix shot him a soft, fond smile only reserved for  _ Chan _ . Felix mouthed out ‘good morning’ to Chan before listening to the rather loud voice on the other end.

Chan waved and smiled shyly, going to move and back out of the room to give Felix his privacy back, but Felix moved to grab his collar to keep him in place.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll see what I can do. Give me a second, Ji.” Felix grinned, and then pulled the phone down from his ear and into his shoulder before giving Chan his full attention. “I’ll be down in a few minutes. Set the table will you?” Felix cupped Chan’s cheek and pecked him on the lips quick enough they didn’t taste the morning breath. Chan smiled softly and nodded before leaning in and tilting his head up to press his lips into Felix’s forehead, the younger obediently bowing his head for easier access.

“Take your time,” Chan hushed before leaving the room and giving Felix his privacy. Chan did as told, setting the table and pouring Felix a cup of coffee the way he likes it and setting it down next to his equally loaded plate of food, shooing Mars off outside when the dog got a little too nosey in the plate. Felix and Chan were both bottomless pits and it created quite an interesting grocery list and bill later on. It didn’t take long for Felix to come down with a little pep in his step.

Felix gripped the back of his chair and leaned over it like an excited child, staring Chan down as the elder calmly placed silverware on the table. “You remember Jisung right?” Chan glanced up for a moment, eyes soft, but face expressionless.

“Your artist friend, right?” Felix nodded his head eagerly. “Why? Is everything okay?” Chan questioned in worry, which was rather dumb of him really.

“Yes, silly. I wouldn’t be nearly this happy if something was  _ wrong _ ,” Felix teased, teeth glimmering in the light. Chan pointed a spoon at him threateningly, but Felix just continued talking. “He got that studio he wanted! So, he’s having a portfolio show tomorrow in the city,” Felix explained. Chan looked at him in shock for a moment.

“Oh! Tell him I said congratulations. I know he really wanted that studio,” Chan grinned softly, Felix’s heart hammering in his chest at not only the sight of it but the fact that Chan cared for Felix’s friends despite never meeting them. “Are you going?” Chan questioned curiously, sitting down in his seat and digging into his food as he listened to Felix speak.

“I’m going to try to. Though, I’m not sure I want to make that drive to the city so early in the morning,” Felix pouted, grabbing his own fork.

“You could leave this afternoon and book a hotel room,” Chan pointed out, and Felix paused for a moment, gripping his fork with an iron grip. “What’s on your mind, hm? Stop gripping the fork so hard, you’re going to bend it,” Chan scolded lightly but glanced at Felix in concern.

Felix looked a little sheepish, “Would… Would you like to go with me? We can make a weekend trip out of it,” Felix suggested, pouting a bit when Chan looked a little weary. Chan could feel the anxiety coursing through him already at just the thought of having to go into the big city, much less meeting the people that were so ungodly important to his boyfriend.

“I don’t know, Felix… I don’t even think I have enough money for the cheapest motel for a night,” Chan hushed, moving his food around on his plate.

“I’ll pay for you,” Felix shrugged. “Let me be a good boyfriend, Chris. We can book a hotel suite, relax and spend time with each other without worrying about anything else… You can meet my friends and you can see where I grew up,” Felix listed off with a suggestive but soft tone, reaching over the table to grab Chan’s hand and run his thumbs across the elder’s bony knuckles. “I think it would be really nice to have a weekend away together… ”

Chan couldn’t disagree with that last statement. “I’ve never been to the city before…” Chan trailed of wearily but with obvious consideration in his voice, and Felix’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.

“Not even once?” Felix uttered in disbelief. Chan stuffed some eggs in his mouth nervously and didn’t answer. “ _ Seriously? _ “

“We didn’t have a reason to go!” Chan whined loudly. “Mom had a bad experience with the city so dad didn’t want to go back and we never really had enough money for any of the festivals or the stores or any of the reasons to go…” Chan trailed off, now looking like an upset child who was forced to tell their parents what bad thing they did that day. But it wasn’t bad at all and in fact… it excited Felix tremendously.

“Oh, hoh, hoh, I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of you, sir,” Felix whispered and didn’t say anything more, even after Chan asked him multiple times, even pleaded a few, what the fuck that meant. Felix just kept eating his food.

“We’re gonna have to leave later tonight though. I have a few cars to work on and since I’m leaving today, I’ll need to make sure the owners get here.” Chan laid down some ground rules and Felix nodded.

“Only if I get to drive.” Chan nearly choked on his food, ready to argue full force with a steely gaze but Felix quickly interrupted him. “I’m driving and that’s final. You’re going to end up worrying too much about the navigation then you will actually relaxing and enjoying the ride so  _ I’m _ going to drive and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Felix grinned. “Also, we’re taking my car.” Chan gasped in horror and the sound of silverware hitting porcelain rung out.

“ _ You wouldn’t _ .“

“Oh I so would,” Felix grinned, stood up to put his plate in the sink, and waltzed back over to Chan to ruffle his curls and place a kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll be back in a little while. Pack some nice clothes as well.” And then Felix was walking out the door, calling out to Mars and walking up the hill with Chan in his seat gaping at his half-full plate like a fish.

  
  
  


Later that evening, Chan is in the middle of replacing the engine on a car when Felix comes riding down the hill with a shit-eating grin on his face. Chan groaned softly at the sight of it but went back to shoving the new engine into the fancy KIA car he was working on to block out his concrete fate. “Christopher~” Felix singsonged, trying his best to grab Chan’s attention but stopped when he saw that someone was already there.

“Just a second, Felix,” Chan mumbled, shooting a nervous glance in the white, suburban mother’s direction. The woman didn’t really seem to be fazed as she was far too focused on whatever was on her phone than what was going on in front of her.

“Take your time.” Felix smiled gently, sending Chan a reassuring nod before hoisting himself upon the large toolbox Chan uses very rarely and observed the elder work. Chan tried his best to ignore the eyes boring into him as he secures the engine in and attached all the necessary parts. It only got worse when Chan had to not only walk in front of Felix but turn his back to him as well as the elder wiped down the KIA and grabbed for the keys off of the table and approached the white woman sitting off to the side looking more and more irritated as time passed.

“Here you go, Ma’am. Sorry for the wait. If anything goes wrong just give me a call.” The woman didn’t even  _ look _ at him. She just snatched the keys out of his hands, climbed into her KIA minivan, and drove off like a storm ready to cause havoc. Chan couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. Instead, he watched for any cars that might be heading his way before he went back into the barn and approached his smiling boyfriend swinging his legs back and forth on top of the dirty toolbox. “Did you have to stare at my ass the whole time?” Chan questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and standing a few feet away.

Felix wore a Cheshire-cat grin and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s a nice ass.” Chan rolled his eyes and went to work beside Felix, rubbing away the oil coating his tools and cleaning them properly as Felix hummed along to a song in his head quietly and wrapped his arms around the bicep he could reach of Chan’s. Felix hunched down to even rest his chin on Chan’s shoulder and nuzzle his nose into Chan’s cheek. “I’m glad you decided to come with me… This weekend is going to be so nice, Chris.”

Chris smiled and swiveled his head to press his lips against Felix’s forehead softly. “It better be or I’ll kick you out of my house for the week.”

Felix began cackling loudly. “You couldn’t stay away for that long.” Chan didn’t want to agree to that, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue with it either. Partially because a car was heading down Chan’s driveway and Chan jumped apart from Felix to not draw suspicion. The man that hopped out of the truck was all too familiar, and Chan tensed harshly.

In school, Chan didn’t really have a great time, and it was all because of this dickwad, aka the Bible studies teacher that was outwardly homophobic and racist but decided to make Chan’s life hell by making him a favorite and turning the entire class against the car mechanic. “Evening, Chris.” The man approached them, pulling off his glasses and folding them to put in his pockets like the animal he was.

“Hello, Mr. Welch,” Chan muttered, smirking to himself a little internally when he saw how gray and wrinkly the human embodiment of Lucifer has become. “I’m afraid that if you’re here for car work, I’m going to have to shoo you off. I’m going on vacation this weekend and I leave in an hour.” Chan crossed his arms over his chest in a rather hostile manner, hoping Felix wouldn’t make his presence too known.

The man seemed a bit gobsmacked for a moment, “It’s not good to abandon your work for a play date, Christopher. I thought I taught you that,” The man attempted to scold Chris but the car mechanic wasn’t having it. Chris huffed loudly, shifted his weight evenly onto both of his feet, and glared the man down.

“Mr. Welch, I’ve done nothing but work since I was 14, and not once have I taken a vacation for myself. Don’t try that with me,” Chan sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now what is it you need to be done? If it really means that much to you, I can leave your car here and work on it as soon as I get back on Monday.” The two adult men stared at each other in silence for a moment, Mr. Welch obviously not used to not getting his way as everyone sucked up to him for a reason Chan will never understand.

“I’ll need a ride home,” Mr. Welch stuck his nose up in the air challengingly.

“I can give you a ride,” Chan countered. “But I understand if you don’t want to leave your car here. I know you hate the ratty shed my parents have lived in their whole lives…” Chan trailed off with a sickly sweet smile. “And that we’d most likely steal something out of it.” The thing was, Mr. Welch never said any of this to Chan’s face, but Chan had overheard him saying it to a bunch of other teachers who bad-mouthed Chan and his family as well, and Chan’s kept it under his belt for a moment exactly like this one. Mr. Welch didn’t like facing his problems, and Chan was about to become the most important one yet.

Mr. Welch was speechless for a moment. “I… Those were old words, you know? I don’t feel that way anymore,” Mr. Welch shifted uncomfortably on his feet, a tell-tale sign that he was lying. Chan’s eyes squinted.

“Oh really? Because I seem to remember being sent a Facebook post a month ago where you went on a rant for absolutely no reason about how shitty my family was and how many problems they caused you. Be upfront about your feelings, Mr. Welch.  _ It’s not holy to lie _ ,” Chan mocked all the words Mr. Welch threw in his face at graduation when Chan finally came out to the town.

Mr. Welch snarled his nose up. “At least I’m not a faggot hated by God, Christopher. At least I’ll go to heaven and be rewarded for my lifelong devotion because I wasn’t unnatural and caused pain and suffering to those around me.”

“Even if there is a heaven, Mr. Welch, you’ll get to those gates and God won’t want you because your lifelong devotion was lifelong hatred and God disapproves of hatred more than he disapproves of us. My ancestors are smiling down on me, Mr. Welch… can you say the same?” Chan seethed, turned his back to the man, walked off into the barn, and shut the doors with a loud slam. Chan might have been a little dramatic and a little overboard, but that didn’t change the fact that this man caused Chan way too much pain and self-hatred in high school.

The barn was dark now aside from the cracked door at the back of the barn as Chan hadn’t turned on the lights hooked up in the ceiling, and nearly jumped when he felt arms slither around his waist once he heard the slam of a car door and a car starting up and moving away from the house. But then Chan realized the man holding him was Felix and relaxed considerably. “Breathe, love.”

“That man is Lucifer,” Chan snapped, directing his anger toward the barn door with a slam of a fist against the wood. Felix flinched a little but didn’t move away from the elder.

“Didn’t he teach bible studies at your school?” Felix giggled a bit, trying to get Chan to loosen up with his words and the soft circles he was running into Chan’s tummy.

“Yes, that’s why it’s so fucking ironic,” Chan grumbled, a little less angry now due to the fact that Felix had that effect on him. Felix shook his head, Chan feeling it as Felix’ pressed his forehead against Chan’s neck and began to swivel his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t handle that well did I?” Chan uttered softly after a few moments of silence.

“You handled it pretty well if I’m honest. I was ready to throw a few punches if I heard him say faggot again,” Felix admitted and Chan snorted loudly. “Hey! I can be aggressive!” Felix exclaimed, a little outraged by Chan’s lack of faith in him.

“Yeah, I’m sure, Lix,” Chan snickered, laughing softly when Felix jumped on his back and began to bite into his shoulder or ears like some sort of angry cat. Chan couldn’t help but coo and place his hands on the bottom of Felix’s thighs before guiding them out the back barn door and to the tractor, Chan rode down there that morning. Even if Felix acted angrily, he didn’t hesitate to hop onto Chan’s lap like some sort of fucking princess and twine his arms around the elder’s neck so they could both get up there in one piece without having to walk down or up the atrocious hill.

“Okay so, all of my stuff is in the car and I hired one of the Kemp grandkids to watch Mars and the house for the weekend. So, all we have to worry about is you.” 

“Sounds good, Lix.” 

When they reach the top, they jog inside and Chan heads off to the bathroom to shower while Felix offers to help the elder pack.

But Chan soon realized this was a really bad idea when the bathroom door suddenly burst open and Felix started screaming. “ _ You have leather pants and didn’t tell me? _ ” Chan groaned loudly, nearly getting shampoo in his eyes when he reached his hands up to cover them.

“How did you even find those? I purposefully hide them!” Chan whined, trying to furiously rinse out his hair so he could turn the shower off and keep Felix from finding anything else but he knew he was done for already.

“You have so many fancy clothes! Where did they come from and why do you keep wearing the same five outfits?” Felix exclaimed, sounding more like a bitching spouse than a teasing boyfriend. Chan turned the shower off, reached behind the curtain for a towel, wrapped himself up, and stepped out of the shower to follow Felix into the bedroom. Chan attempted to take stuff from Felix while slipping on a pair of boxers at the same time in case the towel fell, but Chan couldn’t really see from all the water dripping into his eyes and he was a bit too panicked to be firm in his mission.

The two ended up running around Chan’s house like a pair of children, the pair of leather pants in Felix’s hands, and Chan desperately trying to get a hold of him to get the pants back. Chan didn’t manage to make any progress until he crowded Felix against the counter, grabbing for his hips and slamming his back into the, luckily, smooth edge. “You’re testing my patience, Lee Felix. Now give me the pants!” Chan flailed an arm out to grab them but Felix stuffed them between his ass and the cabinet doors.

“Who would I be if I didn’t test your patience every day, sweetheart?” Felix purred, leaning in so he could take Chan’s earlobe into his mouth But Chan pulled away with a huff and squirmed against Felix to get ahold of the jeans.

“Now is not the time!” Chan exclaimed a little too loudly, but Felix Just began giggling continuously, almost a little hysterical at that point. Chan grabbed, tugged, and even groped a little much to Felix’s unwanted delight, but then he finally managed to grab the leather pants and hold them up in the air as if he were holding a trophy. “Yes!” 

“Wait, no!” Felix exclaimed, a little outraged while watching Chan dart up the stairs only to slam and lock his bedroom door right when Felix reached the second floor. “Fucker!” 

“You shouldn’t dig around in other people’s clothes! It’s rude!” Chan scolded through the door, sounding more playful than angry. Felix groaned from the other side, and when Chan didn’t hear him walk away, he slowly opened the door to peek his head through, lips pouted. “Are you going to behave now?” Felix nodded his head furiously at the sight of the elder’s scowl, and Chan opened the door the rest of the way with a huff. 

Felix shuffled in like a meekest little kid and sat criss-cross on the bed near the pillows in the middle to watch Chan pack. “Please bring a pair of nice clothes for the gallery,” Felix pleaded. “No oil stains, no rips, no mud, and  _ no plaid _ ,” Felix crossed his arms over his chest with a scowl. Chan didn’t acknowledge him for a second, too busy trying to decide which pair of oil and paint-stained sweat pants he wanted to take to sleep in. 

“Are you saying you’re embarrassed by my style?” Chan uttered dully, eyes empty and face expressionless, on purpose notably. Felix’s eyes widened in alarm, holding his hands out and waving them around as if he were trying to veto that thought physically rather than verbally. 

“No! No not at all! I think it’s hot! I’m oddly attracted to it-“ Felix cut himself off when he saw a wide smile break out on Chan’s face and the elder began to chuckle loudly and with his full stomach. “Oh, you dick!” Felix took a pair of socks from the foot of the bed and threw them aggressively in Chan’s direction, the elder still laughing loudly. “Don’t do that to me! I was scared!” 

Chan ended up climbing onto the bed (there’s something unholy about seeing your boyfriend’s partially wet body crawl over the bed with nothing but a pair of boxers and dripping hair falling in his eyes but Felix tried his best to ignore it for the sake of getting on the road within the next hour) and sat right down in front of Felix to cup his face. “Oh, hush. It was the best thing that’s happened all day,” Chan murmured, leaning in so he could kiss Felix square on the lips and get the younger to relax a little. 

“You’re evil,” Felix muttered against Chan’s lips, pulling away to glare at him. 

“I know.” And then Chan was lowering himself onto the bed beside Felix, propping himself up on his elbow and resting a hand on Felix’s thigh. “I get what you’re saying though. I just don’t think I have anything,” Chan scratched his head in thought, looking to Felix shyly. He would soon come to dread this, especially when Felix slowly reached for the leather pants laying on the floor beside them. “ _ Felix, no _ .” 

  
  
  
  


So, Chan ended up taking the leather pants and ended up pouting the whole way to the inner city about it too. Felix pretended to not notice for the sake of his sanity and ended up teaching Chan the ropes of the city. “I know the lights are pretty and all, but it’s not worth getting mugged so we’re not going to be out past 2:30 unless we’re in a cab going back to the hotel.” Chan nodded along to everything Felix was saying like an obedient kid. “And everyone there is either unbearably rude or incredibly nice, so we’re going to be  _ nice _ this trip because I don’t want us to, once again, get mugged because you get mouthy with the wrong guy.” Chan just threw his hands up in surrender when Felix shot him a pointed look when they drove up an interstate ramp that leads directly into the city. 

Chan was a little amazed by the lights he could see in the distance. “You got it, boss,” Chan uttered, turning to him with a loose two-finger salute and Felix relaxed considerably into his seat. “Thank you for doing this…” Chan trailed off wearily, so quietly that Felix just managed to hear it and Felix lit up the entire fucking car. However, when Felix reached a hand over to grab Chan’s thigh and drape it over the muscle there, Chan grunted and slapped his hand. “Both hands on the wheel, Kid.” 

“ _ You got it, boss _ ,“ Felix mocked, shooting Chan a wink when the elder huffed and crossed his arms over his chest like a child. That was Chan code for ‘I want to be mad but I can’t because you’re so cute and lovable, and you’re also being nice to me’ and Felix found it the cutest thing ever. “It’s not a problem, love.” And then the car was silent. 

The two men filled the rest of the ride to the city with the low hum of the engine mixed with humming and singing of their own as they listened to one of Felix’s road trip playlists, and Chan even bobbed his head along to some of the heavy metal, mouthing some of the lyrics as well and somehow he became ten times more attractive to Felix than he was before (if that was even possible). 

But then they were actually in the city and Chan was absolutely gobsmacked by everything around him. Of course, Chan had seen videos and pictures of the city, but he hadn’t ever been allowed to witness the city for himself. He never got to fully experience the lights or the towering buildings or the abundance of people or the expensive-looking shops that sold clothes worth more than Chan’s net worth. “This is beautiful…” Chan whispered more to himself than to Felix but that didn’t mean Felix didn’t catch it and he smiled softly to himself. Chan’s gut dropped when they pulled up to a  _ very _ fancy looking hotel. “Holy shit…” 

“Welcome to “The Galla”, Chris,” Felix hummed, “the third best hotel in all of the city.” 

“Felix, this must-have cost you a fortune-“ Chan cut himself off when Felix grabbed him by the back of the neck and guided his attention back toward him and their foreheads together. 

“One more thing I forgot to mention,” Felix started with a mischievous glint. “We are not going to worry about how luxurious everything is or how much money I’m spending. Instead, we’re going to have fun and I am going to pamper you because that’s what you deserve,” Felix hushed, mouthing the words into Chan’s lips before pecking them softly. “Now get out of the car and get your ass in that hotel lobby before I embarrass you.” 

“You? Embarrass me? Never!” Chan cackled with a shit-eating grin before climbing out of the car. Felix rolled his eyes, popped the trunk, and then handed his keys off to the guy who would park it in the back before rounding off to the back to see Chan having a tiny argument with the bellhop who would take their bags out of the car. “Sir, it really isn’t necessary-“ Chan attempted to take the bags from the man, not liking the idea of someone else servicing him in that way. 

“Come on, Chris,” Felix guided Chan away nonchalantly, sending the bellhop an apologetic look along the way with a small hand on the car mechanic’s lower back. “Pampering, remember?” 

“I don’t like servants, Felix,” Chan grumbled, a little tense. However, Felix moved his hand up to cup the elder’s shoulder and press a tender kiss to his cheek. 

“I know, love. But they’re not servants. They’re employees and they actually get paid rather well here. I don’t support businesses that treat their employees like shit.” 

“But how do you know this company doesn’t do that?” Chan questioned skeptically, crossing his arms over his chest in a way that told Felix that he knew Chan was losing this battle. 

“Because I know the boss,” Felix winked with a smirk before letting go of Chan and approaching a man that called out to him. 

“Felix!” It was a slightly stubby man, a slightly chubbier one too with a bald spot. He looked like a mob boss out of every Italian mafia movie Chan’s ever seen. 

“Uncle Aldo!” Yep. Definitely Italian. 

Felix went rushing over to the man bringing him in for one of Felix’s signature tight hugs and grinning like a mad person. “How have you been, kid? How’s that old town treating you?” The man questioned, accent about as thick as the rings on his chubby fingers. Felix glanced back toward Chan with a fond smile. 

“I’d say pretty damn well.” And then Felix was reaching out for Chan, taking his hand as soon as Chan was within reach. “Uncle, this is Chris.” 

Recognition flashed in the man’s eyes. “Oh, Christopher! I’ve heard a lot about you from my brother. I was wondering when we’d finally get to meet you as you’ve been so shy.” The man’s eyes glimmered with mischief. “It’s good that you got this out of the way. I thought I was going to have to send a few of my men down there to drag you out.” 

Chan felt his gut do flips, his face pale, and weight shifting back and forth on his two feet nervously at the casual boast of how dangerous this man could be. However, Felix just rolled his eyes and squeezed Chan’s hand reassuringly. “Uncle it’s rude to lie. Who would you even send? Bruce and Harry? They’d most likely stop at the bar downtown and not even make it to his house,” Felix teased, earning a hefty laugh from the man. 

“I’ll be sure to tell them that the next time they make their rounds, Lee,” The elder man snickered, digging around in his pockets for two key cards and holding them out to the two young adults. Felix snatched them from his hand with a grateful smile.

“You do that, uncle!” Felix called out to him over his shoulder as he began to drag Chan away from the man and the two employees stood behind him. 

“I can’t believe you just wormed in a family meeting,” Chan huffed as soon as they got into the elevator, sounding more anxious than irritated. Felix just snickered. 

“We’re not actually related. Aldo and my dad just grew up together and became business partners when Dad took over the charter,” Felix shrugged as if that wasn’t somehow  _ worse _ . 

“That’s literally not any better! Chosen family is more important than blood family because you choose your non-family,” Chan whined loudly, but Felix just squeezed his shoulder gently. 

“You don’t need to worry about my family, Chris, alright? I promise they’ll love you and you’ll fit right in. Both blood and chosen.” This was Felix’s way of telling Chan that yes, the elder was good enough for Felix, that they were perfect for each other and there was nothing to worry about because Felix could see right through Chan. “Relax…” Felix breathed out into Chan’s cheek, rubbing soft circles into the elder’s side even after the elevator doors shut and they began to walk down the hallway before Felix stopped in front of a door. 

Felix swiped the keycard and the door beeped before unlocking so they could walk in and Chan felt like he was suffocating in his own awe. The room was rather magnificent and Chan couldn’t help but feel like a spec of dirt amongst all the velvet white in the room. 

The room was large, the ceilings were high and it felt bigger than an apartment back in Hillreach. One half of the hotel room was lined with windows that spanned from top to bottom and corner to corner, and Chan gulped. He hoped there were curtains… The bed looked plush and soft, a super king Chan believes, and could fit about four people if they decided to get interesting one night while they were here. “Come on! You have to see the bathroom!” 

The shower was bigger than Chan’s half bath downstairs and even had a bench. Not to mention there was a very large tub they could both lay in comfortably if they so chose. 

“We are so taking a relaxing bath together before we leave,” Felix insisted and Chan couldn’t say no to  _ that _ . 

“Sounds good to me, love,” Chan hummed, twining his arms around Felix’s waist and resting his chin on Felix’s shoulder. The younger hummed in pleasure, placing his hands on top of Chan’s arms and leaning back into his chest at the same time. 

“I’m gonna take one now, I think,” Felix murmured, turning around in Chan’s arms and twining his arms around Chan’s neck. “Go change and relax and watch TV. I’ll be out soon,” and then Felix was guiding them both back out of the bathroom, grabbing the utility bag and a change of clothes from the floor where the bellhop brought them in before they got there and shut the bathroom door behind him. 

Chan hummed the whole time he got changed, even hooking his phone up to the speakers and playing soft acoustic Melodies before climbing into the soft bed with soft covers that felt like velvet against his bareback. There was nothing better than clean sheets and blankets against clean skin. 

It was really no surprise that Chan ended up falling asleep, sprawled out like a starfish and didn’t even move when Felix joined him an hour later. 

  
  
  


It had been a long time since Chan had woken up so relaxed and comfortable in his own skin. Of course, Felix helped with a lot of that, at the very least helping Chan relax just by teaching him that life doesn’t have to be shitty at all hours of the day and that everyone can have some time to their selves but that morning just seemed to be better than all the rest. 

Maybe it was because he wasn’t stuck in that godforsaken house in that hellhole of a town. 

Chan took in a deep breath, let his back arch and chest puff out while his arms stretched high above his head as he let consciousness slowly take over like a wave rolling your floating body back to shore when one floats in the ocean to relax and feel the current. It felt nice to curl his toes and let his body fall and melt back into the mattress as the heated beams of light poured in like hot coffee. Chan’s lips twitched upward by instinct when he heard a quiet grumble of sleep, shifted weight, and a heated presence beside him before hair began to tickle his shoulder and a chubby cheek squished against his wrist. 

Soon, that twitch of lips rose up into a full, soft smile, dimples and all, at the very sight of Felix’s mole covered back and Chan just couldn’t resist rolling over and cradling the back of Felix’s head and pressing a sweet kiss to his hair. No words were exchanged, just touches. Soft, tender ones. Far too tender than Chan would be comfortable with at him. But they’re not anywhere near home and Chan felt like he could do just about anything. Too deep in his own thought, Chan ended up stopping his gentle strokes to Felix’s scalp. “Don’t stop now, you bastard.” 

Chan chuckled quietly, patting Felix’s head before lifting the arm Felix was squashed against to roll Felix into his body so the younger’s back was pressed up against Chan’s chest and the elder could cradle Felix close to his collar bone. In all his sleepy glory, Felix  _ loved _ it. “Morning to you too,” Chan hushed into the back of Felix’s head, rubbing his thumb across Felix’s shoulder as his arms were crossed right over Felix’s chest to keep the boy upright. They’ve been in this position plenty of time, and every time Chan didn’t hold Felix like that, the younger went tumbling back into the mattress face first. 

“Hm. Someone seems to be in a good mood this morning,” Felix hums sleepily, not even opening his eyes and barely opening his lips at the same time as well. Felix’s unused vocal cords causing a deep growl to escape every time he spoke surely didn’t help with Chan trying to understand what the younger was saying. 

“Yeah. I am. So don’t ruin it so early in the morning will you?” Chan joked, pressing a soft kiss to the shell of Felix’s ear. 

“Let me go back to sleep and nothing will be ruined for you today,” Felix grumbled, tensing up when Chan let out a loud laugh. Chan began to soothe the younger back to sleep, apologizing for waking him up and being so loud but Felix just placed the tiniest of kisses to Chan’s wrist to let him know that yes, everything was okay. 

Chan just held them in that position for a while, eventually shifting his body so he was more or so laying on his back rather than hunching over to nearly lay on his stomach. In fact, the elder began to become sleepy himself, fading in and out of sleep for the next hour before he fell a little too deep into a sleep that he didn’t even notice Felix climbing on top of him to lay his head on Chan’s chest until he woke up fifteen minutes later. “Oh, hello,” Chan breathed out a whisper, hoping Felix didn’t hear, but of course the younger did. 

“Hi,” Felix croaked out, shifting his head so his chin was pressed against Chan’s chest and Felix could look at him through slanted, droopy eyes. “I’m a little more awake now…” Felix yawned, but he could still just barely keep his eyes open. Chan reached up to gently pat his head. 

“Go back to sleep, Lix. We don’t have anywhere to be this morning anyway,” Chan coaxed with gentle fingers swiping through Felix’s hair. This time, both of them dozed off again, so deep that the only thing that woke them from their sleep was the heavy knocks against their door an hour later. It had to be almost noon at this rate. “Lix.” Felix groaned loudly. “Felix, get the door or get up and let me get it,” Chan grumbled sleepily but ended up throwing a little bit of a jolted physical tantrum when Felix rolled off but made no move to get the door. 

Chan just barely managed to throw on a shirt after stumbling out of bed before answering the door. When he opened it, a yawn stretched his entire body out, giving him a two-second grace period before the man had to face whoever was standing at the door. “Looks like I woke you up…” A familiar voice chimed and Chan let the sleepiness drain out of him and his eyes snap open when he realized Uncle Aldo was standing in front of him. 

“Oh um… Good morning,” Chan nervously uttered, playing with the hem of his shirt anxiously. The hotel owner laughed deeply, one of those laughs where one covers their belly with their hand. “What can we do for you this morning?” Chan questioned politely, and maybe a little too formally if Chan were honest, but the car mechanic just really hoped that this man wearing a tan suit and a thick gold chain around his neck wouldn’t be too weirded out by him. 

“Morning?” The man laughed in disbelief, turning back to his two bodyguards with a ‘get a load of this guy’ expression and hand gesture before turning back to the man. “It’s well after noon, boy! Morning already moved on.” Chan nervously rubbed at the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

“Uncle, stop making Chris feel uncomfortable. I’m too tired to kick your ass!” Felix called out sleepily from behind Chan and the man laughed once more. His laugh was rather addictive Chan must admit. Chan didn’t even hear Felix hop out of bed and pad up behind him, just felt his chin hook over Chan’s shoulder as the sleepy 24-year-old glared in his uncle’s direction. “Now what do you want? We were perfectly asleep.” 

“You’re going to lose most of the day if you keep sleeping you know? I thought you wanted to show this poor man around, not sleep all day in my crummy hotel!” Chan nearly choked on his own spit at the words  _ Crummy hotel _ . Felix’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head before he waved the man off. 

“I was getting to it. Sleep is nice, you know,” Felix retorted with a bit of sass, and what did the hotel owner do next? Why laugh of course. Chan would probably be rich by the end of this trip if he had a dollar for every time this man started laughing again. 

Chan envied that kind of joy. 

“Now go on somewhere. It was completely pointless for you to come up here with Bruce and Harry,” Felix shooed them off, stepping in front of Chan to nudge them away physically. The three men finally went away, Chan still a bit complexed by the whole situation that just happened. 

“So they came all the way up here…” Chan started. 

“Yeah.” 

“Woke us up…” 

“I suppose.” 

“Just to tell us that we needed to wake up and go outside?” 

Felix was silent for a moment, a snort ringing out and a shake of his head. “I never said my family had intelligent people.” Chan really,  _ really _ wanted to make a joke but bit down on his bottom lip to refrain. “Oh my god,  _ what? _ Just say it, coward.” 

“Areyousureyou’renotrelatedbecauseitkindofrunsinthefamily…” Chan uttered out really quickly and all in one breath, barely able to keep in his own laughs when he saw Felix glared at him in horror. 

“Oh, you little shit!” Felix shrieked, and before either one of them knew it, Felix was chasing Chan around the hotel room before Felix tackled Chan to the bed and straddled his hips. Of course, it started out with innocent, anger induced tickles and ended with rather hot kisses, their positions now flipped. 

Felix hooked his legs around Chan’s thighs as the elder attached his bruised lips to Felix’s neck and suckled at the skin harshly to make some kind of mark. “Beautiful… so beautiful,” Chan kept muttering into Felix’s skin. 

Felix breathed and groaned a little shakily. “C-Chris we have to go…” Felix took in a sharp gasp when Chan began to use his teeth. “We have to go out and see the city-“ 

Chan slowly pulled away from Felix, keeping their heads level and eyes locked with such an intense gaze Felix couldn’t talk anymore. “I was promised time being spent together where we didn’t have to worry about anyone else…” Chan whispered, nuzzling their noses together. Felix gasped softly when Chan shifted his weight and pressed against Felix just right. “Are you sure you want to go now?” 

“Oh fuck you.” And then they were kissing again. 

  
  
  
  


“Would you fucking breathe? Everything is going to be okay,” Felix sighed heavily, sounding a little irritated but he glanced toward Chan with deep concern when the man just wouldn’t  _ relax _ . They were now stood outside of the studio Jisung was hosting his gallery walk at and Chan felt like his heart was about to leap out of his throat. Chan felt so completely out of his element. 

“I look stupid. I’m gonna embarrass myself in front of your friends, and I will 100% end up breaking something tonight,” Chan stressed, running a hand through his gelled, straightened locks flipped over his head in a way that made him look like a Disney prince. Felix scoffed loudly, reaching up to bat Chan’s hands away and fix his hair like a mother doting over her child. 

“First of all, you do  _ not _ look stupid. You look hot.” It was true. Felix had made Chan wear the leather pants with a silk green and black striped button-up tucked into his waistband, sleeves rolled up to his elbow, and his chest and chain on full view along with a fresh pair of combat boots they bought earlier that day when they went out. “And I am so happy I made you wear these leather pants…” Felix purred, hooking his small fingers into the waistband and tugging Chan a little closer. The elder rolled his eyes but kissed the younger none the less. 

“Bastard.” 

Felix just snickered. “Second of all, my friends are super fucking weird okay? They’ll make you feel right at home and if you embarrass yourself, they’ll follow suit. It’s just who they are. Especially when Jisung and Hyunjin are together. Those two are super fucking scary when they’re together.” The way Felix talked about his friends made Chan feel all warm and fuzzy because, despite the insults, Felix just sounded so  _ fond _ .“third of all, please don’t break something, I only have so much money and I’ll know Jisung will have a meltdown.” 

“Oh god.” Chan groaned, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Felix’s shoulder and shift all his weight onto the poor man. “This was a bad idea, I should have never come-“ 

“Felix!” Chan froze, peeling his head out of Felix’s shoulder as they both turned in the direction the voice came from. Coming from the opposite direction Felix and Chan came were two men approaching the two with wide, excitable smiles. Chan already felt uncomfortable after giving the two very attractive men a once over. 

“Innie!” Felix cheered, pulling away to rush toward the younger of the two newcomers, dimples deep in his porcelain looking cheeks and a smile so bright Chan couldn’t help but let his own lips twitch up a bit. How could someone’s happiness be so contagious that Chan’s anxiety practically melted away? 

“You must be Christopher…” A low, soft voice spoke up from beside him. Chan spoke too soon. 

The car mechanic winced internally when he nearly jumped out of his own skin but turned his head to face the man with cat-like features and mischief twinkling in his eyes. “Uh… Yes,” Chan muttered, twiddling his thumbs shyly and not looking the unknown man in the eye for more than a split second at a time. 

And then a hand slightly larger than his own was offered to him along with a polite smile. “Lee Minho. I grew up with Felix. We’re cousins actually.” Chan glanced at him skeptically. 

“Are you guys blood-related or is it like a chosen family thing?” Chan questioned wearily “I don’t mean to be rude but I already met an uncle who’s not really an uncle so I just want to be aware of the relationships you know?” Chan was kind of rambling at this point, voice fast and a little hard to understand. Minho seemed to understand just fine though. 

“Ah, you already met uncle, Aldo? Don’t worry, he’s the only family that’s not really family you need to concern yourself with. My dad is Felix’s blood brother, older by a few years but not around anymore.” Chan couldn’t decide if Minho mentioning it so casually meant that his dad had been dead for a while but Chan still hoped that Minho was handling it well. 

“I hope your memory of him is strong.” Minho looked to Chan with an air of appreciation, as if he understood that Chan knew what that was like: to lose a parent. But before they could talk about it a little more, maybe get a little more personal, those fox-like eyes that were trained on Felix before are not right in front of him, bright and studious and just the slightest bit of intimidating. “Oh hello,” Chan uttered out on instinct, flushing when Felix giggled from behind ‘innie’ 

“Hiya. Who are you?” The man questioned curiously, eyes darting from side to side between Chan’s eyes so quickly Chan almost went cross-eyed. But Minho spoke up behind Chan and saved the elder’s ass just a little. 

“Manners, fox. Don’t freak him out.”  _ Chan still didn’t know this little fucker’s name. _

The man backed off a little, laughing a laugh entirely contagious. “Sorry, Minho,” The man bowed his head shyly toward the elder, earning an eye roll and a wave of Minho’s hand. The man looked far from posh with his bleach stained t-shirt under a heavy coat, ripped jeans, and black boots but he sure did act formal. It was almost refreshing in a way. “I’m Jeongin. And you?” The fox-like man broke out the polite smile and a handshake. Chan slipped his head into Jeongin’s and shook it firmly. 

“Christopher, but please don’t call me that, it makes me feel old,” Chan winced, scowling a bit when Felix came up beside him and hooked their elbows together. 

“It’s okay, love. You might be the oldest but everyone will bring out your inner child,” Felix grinned, and then Chan was being dragged into the gallery without a warning and Minho and Jeongin trailing behind him. It seemed the four of them were late if the abundance of people strolling about said anything at all. “Breathe,” Felix whispered in Chan’s ear and guided Chan along with their interlocked elbows and over to a group of guys who hovered and played and spoke quietly. They seemed to be a stark contrast to the rest of the people waltzing about in their fancy clothes and respective quiet voices. 

It only got worse when they all laid their eyes on Felix. 

“Felix!” They all practically screamed his name, rushing forward to pull him into a tight group hug. Felix just barely managed to detangle his arm from Chan’s so the elder didn’t get dragged into what looked like a very suffocating situation. Chan felt a little weird and a little isolated when he realized that he was basically watching 7 boys hug the life out of each other.

However, Chan couldn’t help but let the fondness flood throughout him when he saw just how  _ happy _ Felix looked to be there in all of his friends’ arms. And then they separated and all eight pairs of eyes were trained on him. Felix approached Chan, wrapping an arm around Chan’s waist and leaning into his side so Felix could press a small hand to Chan’s chest and look at him lovingly. “Losers, this is Chan.” 

Chan sucked in a deep breath and nibbled on his lower lip at the sight of the group of six boys before him. “It’s nice to meet all of you,” Chan bowed his head respectively. 

Felix began naming them off one by one from left to right. “The freakishly tall one is Hyunjin,” The tallest of the bunch seemed to be the most objectively attractive with model-like features and almost a fairy-like aura around him if his innocent giggle and little shy squirm said anything at all. “You already know Jeongin and Minho. That’s Seungmin. He’s our little puppy who’s secretly a demon.” If someone could be the human embodiment of ‘:D’ then that would be this soft, doe-eyed boy and Chan felt himself cooing at the sight of him. “Lastly, that’s Changbin. He’s a bit of a mess and a lot older than he acts. He’s our little baby Binnie though,” Felix teased, and Chan felt like wrapping the shortest up in a blanket and cuddling him to death. 

_ Why were all of Felix’s friends so cute and cuddly? _

“Oh fuck you, Felix,” Changbin snapped, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff. Everyone broke out into laughter, all pinching and hugging Changbin close, but the raven-haired male managed to squirm out from their grips and stood behind Chan, hooking onto his shoulders. “Looks like you’re my new best friend, Chris,” Changbin smiled, and Chan just matched it with an amused one. 

“Where’s Jisung?” Felix questioned after a moment of silence, looking around with a small frown and that’s when Chan realized Jisung wasn’t there either. Changbin huffed from behind Chan, still clinging onto him like a leaf does its mother tree. 

“Just wait. He’s probably making some sort of grand entrance like an idiot,” Changbin grumbled into Chan’s shoulder and Chan couldn’t help but think back to what Felix said before about Changbin being the absolute biggest baby. But Changbin was right and suddenly the lights went out. “There he is.” 

A spotlight suddenly turned on where a male with a top hat with steampunk goggles, a long coat, and boots littered with metal parts sat upon a large bookshelf with a very nonchalant position where one of his legs dangled off the shelf and the other was propping up his arm. Chan felt a little worried. “Should I be concerned?” Chan whispered in Felix’s ear. 

“probably.” 

“LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND FORMAL FOLK!” Jisung started, Chan trying his best to cover up a snort when Changbin began to grumble into Chan’s shoulder about how he was dating an absolute  _ idiot _ . “I welcome you to my first gallery walk! Thank you for attending and taking time out of your day to come to look at my work. Some of my paintings will be sent to an auction starting later tonight at the opera house. If you get hungry or thirsty, we have refreshments over by the front door where my good man, Hold will be serving you!” The spotlight shifted to a man in the corner with bright ginger hair, freckles, and looking a little rough around the edges if Chan were honest. 

The spotlight went back to Jisung in an instant. 

“I hope you find my paintings interesting and I thank all of you.” Jisung grinned widely, and then he became a little nervous. “And if someone could help me down from here that would be great.” And then all the lights turned back on and Changbin groaned loudly to go help the man down. Chan recoiled a little bit when Jisung kissed Changbin smack dab on the lips to thank him for his help.

It’s not that Chan had a problem with it, but he hadn’t ever seen anyone be so  _ open _ about their love for someone else that wasn’t considered natural. Chan tried his best to contain his nerves when the two came back over and the elder came face to face with the man that Felix praised so highly. Somehow, meeting an ultimate best friend was more nerve-racking than meeting the family. “Hello,” Chan uttered, sticking out his hand for the younger to shake. “Chris.” 

But then Jisung was pulling Chan into a tight hug, one that made Chan feel like the two had been friends for years and were seeing each other again. Chan had to remind himself that this was the first time the two were meeting. “So you’re the infamous Christopher Bang huh? I’ve heard way too much about you.” 

“All good things I hope?” Chan cocked his head to the side, shooting Felix a quick glance. 

“Oh yes. Felix wasn’t kidding about you looking like a god,” Jisung winked, a slight purr to his voice. 

“Jisung!” Felix screeched a little too loudly, a look of horror on his features but Chan just snickered, nudging the younger with his elbow. “Don’t listen to him, he’s crazy and knows no boundaries,” Felix glared in his best friend’s direction. Jisung huffed. 

“Love you too, Lix.” And then they were hugging, clinging to each other and Chan couldn’t help but look at them fondly. Chan flushed when he met the eyes of Minho and scratched the back of his neck shyly. 

Chan’s eyes darted to the ground when Minho shuffled over to speak with him quietly. “I can tell you’re different,” Minho murmured, watching Chan intently until Chan finally met his gaze.  _ Was this man a fucking god? _ “All of Felix’s past partners were extremely jealous of Jisung’s bond with him and that ended up being the reason Felix broke up with them a good portion of the time, but you’re not bothered by it…” Minho trailed off, maybe a little intrigued by the whole ordeal. 

Chan felt like he had to explain himself because of it. “All I want it to see him happy, and the people he loves and cares about makes him happy. Why would I want to take that away from him?” Little did Chan know, Felix heard all of that. Heard every last bit of it and almost cried his eyes out right then and there. He’s very happy he didn’t though and managed to keep himself together and acting like he didn’t hear it either. Jisung did the same. 

“He’s a keeper.” The painter whispered in the writer’s ear and Felix nodded. 

“I know.”

Now, the two walked side by side, Felix wrapped around Chan’s bicep as they strolled through the gallery to admire Jisung’s work. “This is nice,” Chan hummed when they reached one painting in particular, an oil painting of a yellow bird with cogs for eyes and wings fading into screws and nails “he sure does like metal parts…” 

“It’s kind of his thing. He used to want to be an engineer when he was younger. He created all these little things that were actually pretty genius for an 11-year-old but then he fell in love with painting and now here we are,” Felix explained briefly, squishing his cheek against Chan’s shoulder and yawning a bit. 

Chan scoffed. “Do not tell me you’re tired. It’s not even 6 a clock and we slept most of the day,” Chan scolded a little, but Felix just blinked up at him sleepily. 

“I like my naps, man,” Felix murmured, pressing a quick kiss to Chan’s shoulder and nuzzling it with his nose afterward. “Thank you for coming today. I really appreciate you joining me.” 

“Of course, my love. Thank you for inviting me,” Chan hushed right back, pressing his lips against the top of Felix’s head and holding him close. They stood there for a few minutes, just basking in the touch of one another and swaying back and forth due to the sudden sleepiness washing over them. But then Hyunjin came up behind them and pressed his palms into their shoulders. 

“There’s a couch over there, love birds. Take a little cat nap,” Hyunjin shooed them off to where Seungmin and Jeongin were sitting quietly, looking a little sleepy themselves. Chan wondered if the couch was purposeful for this very reason alone. Chan took a corner, pushing his weight onto the juncture of the armrest and the back of the couch and resting his arm on the side as Felix fell into his side, snuggling his head into Chan’s chest and hooking a leg over him to get comfortable. The two had the sleeping on the couch position down at this point. 

They fell asleep just like that, in the presence of close ones and those who would never judge them. 

It’s been a long time since Chan had felt so relaxed in a public space. So relaxed he didn’t even think twice about kissing Felix straight on the lips. 

(They were woken up later that evening and sent back to the hotel. The two took their chances with that large bathtub and definitely used it to their advantage before they crashed in bed and didn’t wake up until late into the afternoon… Chan could get used to this.)

  
  
  


Coming back to Hillreach made Chan want to close back in on himself. The big city felt so nice and real and desirable to him because of how open it was. Sure, there were judgmental people, but Chan didn’t feel unsafe when loving Felix. He didn’t feel like he was walking a thin line every time he walked downtown with Felix in tow. He didn’t feel like he was risking his life just by existing with Felix. 

It didn’t take long for them to get back into the conservative groove of the town, and it surely helped that Felix had practically moved into Chan’s family house at this point, but after a few months, early May even, shit gets… 

Shit gets bad. 

It started with a phone call. 

On May 6th, Chan receives a phone call at 8:04 PM, having just come in from work that day and Felix in the shower telling him that his grandmother has passed. 

The news was sudden but expected. Chan’s been trying to figure out how she managed to last so long in the first place considering she was well into her late 90s, but Chan didn’t question that woman too much. If he were honest though, he thought she was already dead he just didn’t get the news when it happened. 

But now that it’s been confirmed, that the woman passed in her sleep after a really bad schizophrenia episode, and Chan is going to have to fly all the way to Korea to make her funeral arrangements since he’s the only family she has left, Chan didn’t really know what to do. He simply sat there on his bed, picking at the oil under his fingernails shakily and trying not to cry. 

However, Felix came out of the shower a few minutes later, and immediately noticed Chan’s odd behavior. “Chris? Love? What’s wrong?” Felix hushed, sitting down on the bed beside Chan in the elder’s ratty old t-shirt, a pair of boxers the shirt covered, and thick, fluffy socks. Chan didn’t say anything for a moment, fists now clenched around the hem of his shirt. Chan isn’t sure he’ll be able to hold himself together around Felix. “Baby, what happened?” Felix tried again, slipping a hand into Chan’s curls, tugging and then smoothing the ones on the back of his head over and over again. 

Chan began crying profusely. At first, he hunched over, burying his face into his hands and taking deep breaths. Those breaths soon turned into shaky ones and his shoulders began to tremble along with his hands and before he knew it, sobs were escaping his mouth and he couldn’t see past the hot tears. 

Chan had no one. 

His family was dead. 

Chan was the last one left. 

_ It fucking hurt. _

Felix immediately took Chan’s head and guided it toward his chest, stroking his hands through Chan’s hair and patiently waited for Chan to cry it all out, the elder hooking his arms around Felix’s waist, body hunched over uncomfortably but Chan felt safe right there. Eventually, though, Felix managed to slip Chan’s shoes and mechanic suit off so they could lie back in bed, Felix laying down on top of the elder to ground him knowing the man probably needed pressure now more than ever. 

Chan probably only cried for two hours that night, but it felt like that one session was two entire days instead. Felix remained patient and comforting, trying his best to be there for Chan without knowing what was going on. Felix didn’t dare ask once Chan settled down and stared up at the ceiling with a hollow gleam in his eyes. Chan offered instead. “My grandmother is dead.” Felix paused for a moment, not really expecting that. Chan always spoke of her like she was already dead. Felix lifted his head off of Chan’s chest to stare down at him in confusion. 

“I thought…” Felix trailed off, not finishing his sentence. Chan just gulped. 

“So did I. But I just got the call… I have to fly to Korea the day after tomorrow to arrange the funeral.” Felix nodded slightly, and then shifted his weight so he was now straddling Chan and could cup his cheeks. 

“I’ll pay for your ticket.” Chan looked ready to argue but Felix just kissed him softly. “Do you want me to come with you?” Chan weighed it for a moment, and Felix just waited patiently for Chan’s answer. Then, the elder shook his head and nibbled on his lower lip. 

“I’m sorry…” he whispered but Felix lightly tapped his cheek. 

“Don’t you dare apologize. Take your time, okay, my love?” Felix scolded lightly, trying his best to be soft but stern enough to let Chan know he meant business. Chan gulped and nodded his head shakily, looking ready to cry again. “now… get some rest, okay?” Felix huffed, kissing Chan on the lips before rolling off of Chan and snuggling into the elder’s side. They fell asleep locked together like puzzle pieces and they woke up like that too, but Chan was too empty, hurting too much to enjoy the warmth and presence of his lover like he normally would. 

  
  


This was only the beginning of a few weeks of pain and life reassessment. 

Felix drove Chan to the airport the day after, thinking it might be easier to go ahead and go so Chan could get the process started and not feel like he’ll be waiting around forever. Felix has been oh so patient with him through all of this, being kind and making sure he’s there when Chan has another breakdown. Chan really appreciates him. 

They waited there for what feels like ages, sitting side by side and leaning into each other sleepily and a hollowness in their chests. Chan doesn’t know how long he sat there and played with Felix’s tiny hands for but eventually, they called his flight and he had to get going. “Be careful. Shoot me a text when you land and one before you sleep every night so I know you’re alive, please?” Felix whispered. “We don’t even have to talk. I just want to know you’re alive.” 

“I’ll send you a good morning and a goodnight text every night, okay? Don’t worry, love,” Chan whispered right back, nosing at Felix’s cheek and letting the younger rub soft circles into Chan’s cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, foreheads pressed together. “Thank you, Felix.” 

Felix sniffled once before he pulled Chan into a tight hug, arms looped around Chan’s neck. “Don’t thank me. I just want you to be okay.” 

“I will be. Now I have to go, okay? I’ll see you in a week or so.” The two shared a kiss, long and sweet and obviously needy, but eventually, Chan pulled away and walked to his gate knowing the next 13 hours would be god awful. 

Chan arrives in Busan with anxiety running as high as the moon rose in the sky that night. Chan knew Korean quite well, in fact, he was teaching Felix some since the boy didn’t grow up speaking it, but that didn’t change the fact that Chan felt so out of place being there. 

Chan supposed the first thing he should do is find a hotel. 

It took a little while, but he managed to find a grimy hotel willing to take him in for a few days and Chan collapsed on the hard mattress in the middle of the darkroom, suitcase in the corner and eyes dead. Chan fell asleep just like that: fully dressed and no desire to make himself comfortable in a place where he knew his efforts would be pointless.

The next morning, Chan put in the address for a bike rental shop and the funeral home his grandmother was currently being held at and got going, even if it hurt a little. Chan remembered sometime between the bike shop and the funeral home to shoot Felix a quick goodnight text before he finally arrived at the funeral home. 

The place was daunting, a little hard to look at if he were honest, and Chan wondered if he could turn back now and go back home to Felix and his warm bed. Chan really almost did turn around but then a woman came out from the shop and called out to him. “Sir? Are you here for someone?” 

Chan parked his bike and followed her inside. “Bang Chan, here for Bang Jiwoo,” Chan uttered, not liking the way his Korean name flew off his tongue. It felt awkward…  _ unnatural. _ The woman hummed in understanding, rubbing her biceps before crossing her arms over her chest and telling him to follow her. 

“So, we can either bury her or cremate her and send you the ashes. We can also host the ceremony here as well if you wish.” Chan felt like there was water in his ears. 

“Whatever is cheapest,” His voice cracked, ignoring the snarled look the woman sent him. 

“I’ll schedule the cremation and the appreciation ceremony for tomorrow at 11:30. Don’t be late.” 

Seconds, minutes, hours, and a day passes in a blur, and before Chan knows it, he’s standing in an empty room in front of a table covered in his grandmother’s signature items and black robes. No one would come in and out, Chan knew this, so he kneeled on the mats and bowed his head, clocking out for a little while. 

But then he heard a cough and a soft knock on the door, the sun setting in the distance and Chan snapped his head up in confusion. In the doorway was a boy, maybe 19 or 20 if Chan was as smart as everyone claimed he was, and he looked very innocent, shy, and a little bit like his grandmother. 

Could…. 

No. 

“Hello,” The boy bowed, watching Chan scramble up and flushing a bit. “I’m Yedam. Aunt Jiwoo was my grandmother’s sister. We… I believe we are related, yes? You’re Chan?” Those words echoed in Chan’s head. Did that mean Chan had more family? Did that mean Chan wasn’t actually alone? Chan quickly nodded his head in confirmation when he realized he never answered Yedam’s question. “I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you… I know the family back in America is a little unaware of us due to Aunt Jiwoo keeping it under wraps.” 

“I thought I was the last one…” 

“So did I.” 

Chan’s heart dropped into his stomach but managed to keep himself together. “Would you like to…” Chan trailed off, gesturing to the table behind them and Yedam gulped and nodded. The two kneeled down on the mat and dropped to a full bow, head against the floor and hands above their heads on the floor. They bowed for five minutes before Chan guided them back up and into a sitting position, now staring at one another. “I don’t understand. I thought there wasn’t anyone else,” Chan uttered as he nervously fiddled with his fingernails. 

“There used to be a lot of us but it seems a lot of the Bangs were unhappy and killed themselves or did something to get themselves killed and those who  _ were _ happy lost their lives to other causes.” 

“So… what was Jiwoo?” 

“Apathetic. She didn’t care enough but couldn’t care anymore at the same time. I think that’s the only reason I haven’t been killed yet either. It’s a weird curse I didn’t believe in when I was younger but now I’m starting to believe otherwise…” Yedam chuckled bitterly, running a hand through his hair stressfully. Chan just stared at his hands, processing everything being said to him. 

Was… was his mother and father unhappy?  _ Was it Chan’s fault? _

He contemplated this for a long while. Even after Yedam and he parted ways that night with the promise of staying in touch, even after Chan had fallen asleep that night and the next few nights. He thought and thought and thought about it until he ended up sitting on a rocky beach on a cloudy and foggy morning staring at the ocean and contemplating his entire existence. 

Chan grew up believing he was the root of all evil. Ever since he was a baby, ever since he showed interest in things that weren’t normal for little boys, his mother preached and preached and preached him about how awful it was that he wanted to kiss boys and hold hands with them. It got to the point where she even took him to a priest and asked him to drag the soul out of him. 

When that didn’t work, she threatened to send him to conversion therapy, but that’s when his dad put his foot down. 

And then Chan found his mother’s body in the city a week later with ‘sin’ carved into her skin and all Chan could do was blame himself. 

A few years later, Chan loses his dad to a heart attack. Was he happy? Was Chan’s dad happy with his life?

Chan didn’t like to believe in superstitions, but Yedam’s words rang in his head at all hours of the day since he heard it. 

_ Was Chan happy? _

_ He thinks he is _ . 

_ He hopes he is _ .

He doesn’t want to give all the credit to Felix because he thinks happiness purely rooted in romance is entirely toxic, but Felix taught him how to love life and himself… Chan believes that if he lost Felix, he’d still carry that skill with him. 

But being happy scared him now… What if he lost himself to something he couldn’t control? What if he left Felix all alone….

Felix could handle himself. 

Maybe Chan just didn’t want to die. Maybe he wanted to wake up now. Maybe some mornings Chan didn’t dread absolutely everything… 

But when Chan drew this conclusion, he realized one thing and one thing alone. 

Chan was very much in love with Felix Lee and it made his stomach churn. Chan would much rather believe in his love with Felix than the superstition of his family. His family was dead now, their curse couldn’t affect him if he didn’t want to believe it. He was untouchable. 

Maybe not quite untouchable… but close enough. 

As long as he woke up in the mornings content, everything would be okay. Everything was going to be okay. 

  
  
  


When Chan came home two days later, he decided not to tell Felix. Instead, he called a taxi and had the woman drive him all the way back to his farmhouse and managed to be quiet enough to sneak inside the house early that morning. 

Strangely enough, Felix was awake, stood in Chan’s kitchen wearing one of Chan’s t-shirts and seemingly nothing else except a pair of tight boxers, cooking breakfast and singing and dancing to the music playing. Chan watched him for a minute, fondness swirling around in his heart at the sight. God, Chan was so in love. 

But then he made the mistake of locking eyes with Mars and the dog came bolting. “Hey buddy,” Chan whispered, kneeling down to rub his ears. However, Chan snapped his head up when the music suddenly stopped and Felix was stood in the middle of the kitchen with a spatula in hand and a gobsmacked expression. “Hi…” 

Felix didn’t even say anything, just dropped the spatula and darted forward, looping one arm around Chan’s neck and the other around his head to bring him close. Chan twined his own arms around Felix’s waist and rocked them from side to side as Felix began to tremble. “I’ve missed you so much…” Felix choked out, voice cracking. 

“I know, my love. I’ve missed you so much too,” Chan reassured, pulling his head away to press a sweet kiss to Felix’s lips. But Felix needed more, needed the pressure. So, they carried on and before Chan knew it, his hands were looped around the back of Felix’s thighs as he carried Felix up the stairs and lowered him down on the bed as if he were made of porcelain, panting a bit from the workout. 

Felix couldn’t help but giggle against his lips. “Out of shape there?” 

“Shut up,” Chan breathed out, pulling away and staring down at Felix with absolute adoration oozing out of him. “I’m so in love with you…” Chan couldn’t help but confess. Felix’s eyes watered at the words, and Chan yelped loudly when Felix suddenly pulled him down into a heavy kiss. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that for the last five months,” Felix breathed out. 

“God, you’re about as annoying as the oil under my nails.” 

“But you love me anyway.” 

  
  


(In a few months time, they’d be living in the big city in an apartment. 

In a year and a half, Chan would propose after he got promoted to Head Chef and ends up making a lot of money. 

In two years, they have a beautiful spring wedding and Felix cries which leads to Chan crying which then leads to everyone else crying. 

In three and a half years, they move into a house big enough for a family with a small baby girl strapped to Chan’s chest and a bag full of toys in Felix’s arms. 

In five years, Chan is happy with clean nails and a smile as bright as the sun that invaded Hillreach and turned Chan’s life upside down.) 

  
  
  
  
  
[[Moodboard](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1190445029111685120?s=20)]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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